Archive for December, 2006

You Know You’re Getting Older When…

December 30, 2006 at 6:44 am · Filed under Bizarre news

So you know you’re getting old when such things as listed below start to happen:

  • A fortune teller offers to read your face
  • The little old gray haired lady you help across the street… is your wife
  • You get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, “See if you can blow this out.” (Jerry Seinfeld)
  • You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions
  • You’re older than your dentist
  • Those issues of Reader’s Digest just can’t come fast enough
  • You feel like the night after, and you haven’t been anywhere
  • You stop to look at a new automobile and think, “Gee, that’s a nice looking car.” And it’s a Ford Taurus.
  • Your idea of a sexy babe is Kate O’Beirne.
  • You actually want socks for Christmas.
  • Your kids groan when you tell them stories about when you were a kid, too.
  • You go to bed before your kids.
  • You and your teeth don’t sleep together
  • A telephone rings on the TV and you think it’s yours
  • Everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work
  • You remember when the Dead Sea was only sick
  • Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
  • You’re on vacation, and your energy runs out before your money does.
  • All you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
  • Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
  • You regret all those mistakes you made resisting temptation
  • You’re 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 106 around the golf course
  • You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead
  • You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room
  • People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
  • You send money to PBS
  • The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of your pants.
  • You take a metal detector to the beach.
  • You know what the word “equity” means.
  • You can’t remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
  • Your ears are hairier than your head.
  • You talk about “good grass” and you’re referring to someone’s lawn.
  • You got cable for The Weather Channel.
  • You can go bowling without drinking.
  • You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
  • You find yourself smiling at this list.
  • When you’re young, your dreams are wet and farts dry. You know that you’re old when the situation is opposite.

    • Comments

    America’s Craziest Laws; State by State!

    December 30, 2006 at 5:55 am · Filed under Bizarre news

    I found them searching around the net. Doubt these are real laws but i thought it was funny and interesting.

    Alabama

  • Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
  • Incestuous marriages are legal.
  • It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.
  • It is illegal to stab yourself to gain someone’s pity.
  • It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
  • Masks may not be worn in public
  • Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.
  • Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
  • You cannot chain your alligator to a fire hydrant.
  • You may not drive barefooted.
  • You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.

    Alaska

  • In Alaska it is illegal to whisper in someone’s ear while they are moose hunting.
  • Kangaroos are not allowed in barber shops at any time.
  • While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.

    Arizona

  • A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
  • Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
  • It is illegal to take naked photographs before noon on Sunday.
  • It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.
  • Oral sex is considered to be sodomy.
  • There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.
  • You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
  • Glendale: Cars may not be driven in reverse.
  • Maricopa County: No more than six girls may live in any house.
  • Mesa: It is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a Class 12 liqueur license.
  • Mohave County: A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.
  • Nogales: An ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders.
  • Tucson: Women may not wear pants.

    Arkansas

  • A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.
  • Fayetteville: It is illegal to kill “any living creature”.
  • It is illegal to buy or sell blue lightbulbs.
  • It’s illegal to mispronounce the name of the state of Arkansas.
  • Little Rock: Dogs may not bark after 6 PM.; Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term; It is unlawful to walk one’s cow down Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday; No person shall sound the horn on a vehicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9:00 P.M. -Little Rock City Code Sec. 18-54
  • The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.

    California

  • A city ordinance states that a $500 fine will be given to anyone who detonates a nuclear device within city limits.
  • Alhambra: You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit.
  • Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
  • A regulation in San Francisco makes it unlawful to use used underwear to wipe off cars in a car wash.
  • Baldwin Park: Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.
  • Bathhouses are against the law.
  • Blythe: You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.
  • Burlingame: It is illegal to spit, except on baseball diamonds; Carmel Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk. (Repealed when Clint Eastwood was mayor); Women may not wear high heels while in the city limits.
  • Giving or receiving oral sex is prohibited.
  • Hollywood: It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
  • In Los Angeles courts it is illegal to cry on the witness stand.
  • In California it is illegal to have caller ID
  • In California it’s against regulations to let phones ring more than nine times in state offices.
  • In Los Angeles a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can’t be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife’s consent to beat her with a wider strap. Consent should be given prior to the event, as is carefully stipulated.
  • In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.
  • In Riverside, California, kissing on the lips, unless both parties wipe their lips with carbonized rose water, is against the local health ordinance. (Someone needed to be kissed!)
  • In San Francisco it’s illegal to play poker in public or gamble in a barricaded room.
  • In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.
  • It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
  • It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss.
  • It is illegal to eat an orange in your bath tub
  • It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.
  • Lodi: It is illegal to own or sell “Silly String”.
  • Lompoc: It is illegal to posses, own or raise roosters. This is considered disturbing the peace.
  • Long Beach: Cars are the only item allowed in a garage; It is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course.
  • Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.
  • No alcohol beverages can be displayed within five feet of a cash register of any store in California that sells both alcohol and motor fuel.
  • No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
  • Prunedale: Two bathtubs may not be installed in the same house.
  • Riverside: One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o’clock.
  • San Diego: It is illegal to shoot jackrabbits from the back of a streetcar; The owners of houses with Christmas lights on them past February second may be fined up to $250.
  • San Francisco bans any “mechanical device that reproduces obscene language.”
  • San Jose: It is illegal to have more than two cats or dogs. -Ord. 7.08.595
  • Santa Monica: You may not play percussion instruments on the beach.
  • Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.
  • The city of San Francisco holds a copyright on the name “San Francisco.” It is illegal to manufacture any item with the name without first getting permission from the city. Since the Supreme Court upheld the copyright, San Francisco has had an annual $300 million surplus every year.

    Colorado

  • Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.
  • Colorado Springs: It is permissible to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays.
  • Crippe Creek: It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.
  • Denver: The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park; It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor; It is illegal to mistreat rats; You may not drive a black car on Sundays.
  • It is illegal to mistreat rats in Denver.
  • Durango: It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes “unbecoming” on one’s sex.
  • In Colorado it’s now legal to remove the furniture tags that say, “Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law.”
  • In Denver, Colorado it is illegal for Barber’s to give massages to nude customers unless it is for instructional purposes.
  • Logan County: It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.
  • It is illegal for liquor stores to sell food or grocery stores to sell any alcohol except beer that is at most 3.2% alcohol.
  • It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence.

    Connecticut

  • A local ordinance in Atwoodville, Connecticut prohibits people from playing Scrabble while waiting for a politician to speak.
  • A pickle is not officially a pickle unless it bounces
  • Balloons with advertising on them are illegal in Hartford, Conn.
  • Bloomfield, Conn: It’s against the law to eat in your car.
  • Devon: It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
  • Guilford: Only white Christmas lights are allowed for display.
  • Hartford: You aren’t allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands
  • In colonial times, Hartford, Conn., had an ordinance that allowed any resident to rent the town chain for 2 pence.
  • In Connecticut any dogs with tattoos must be reported to the police.
  • In Connecticut it is illegal to pirouette while crossing the street.
  • In Hartford, Conn., it’s illegal to plant a tree in the street.
  • In Hartford, Connecticut, it is illegal to kiss your wife on Sunday.
  • In Simsbury, Conn., it’s illegal for a politician to campaign at the town dump.
  • It is illegal to discharge a firearm from a public highway.
  • It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades.
  • New Britain: It is illegal for fire trucks to exceed 25mph, even when going to a fire.
  • No one may use a white cane, unless they are blind.
  • Waterbury: It is illegal for any beautician to hum, whistle, or sing while working on a customer.
  • You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.
  • You cannot buy any alcohol after 8pm or on Sundays.
  • You may not educate dogs.

    Delaware

  • Delaware prohibits horse racing of any kind on Good Friday and Easter Sunday.
  • In Delaware it is illegal to get married on a dare.
  • In Delaware you may not sell dead people for money without a license.
  • It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.

    D.C.

  • A D.C. federal judge has ruled that begging is a form of free speech protected by the Constitution. That means that mugging is free speech too, only more persuasive.
  • In Washington D.C. it is illegal to post a notice in public which calls another person a ‘coward’ for refusing to accept a challenge to duel.
  • It is unlawful for small boys to throw stones, at any time, at any place in the District of Columbia.
  • The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the missionary position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.
  • The U.S. government says it’s a crime to give false weather reports.

    Florida

  • Florida prohibits topless walking or running within a 150 foot zone between the beach and the street.
  • Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
  • Daytona Beach: The molestation of trash cans is banned; While intoxicated, being under influence of narcotics is prohibited; It shall be unlawful for any person to swim or bathe in that portion of the Atlantic Ocean within the corporate limits of the city when under the influence of intoxicating liquor or narcotic drugs to the extent that his or her normal faculties are impaired;
  • Florida deals with its prostitution problem by giving prostitutes spending money, a five-year banishment, and a bus ticket out of town.
  • Florida law forbids rats to leave the ships docked in Tampa Bay.
  • Hialeah: Ambling and strolling is a misdemeanor.
  • If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
  • Failure to tell your neighbor his house is on fire is illegal.
  • It is illegal to fish while driving across a bridge.
  • In Miami, it is forbidden to imitate an animal.
  • In Saratoga, Florida it is illegal to sing while wearing a bathing suit.
  • It is considered an offense to shower naked.
  • It is illegal to fart in a public place after 6:00pm on a Thursday.
  • Key West: Chickens are considered a ‘protected species’.
  • Oral sex is illegal.
  • You may not kiss your wife’s breasts.
  • Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging.
  • Pensacola: Citizens may not be caught downtown without at least 10 dollars on their person; It is illegal to roll a barrel on any street, fines go up according to the contents of the barrel; A women can be fined (only after death), for being electrocuted in a bath-tub because of using self-beautification utensils.
  • Pinecrest: In order to operate a burglar alarm, a permit must be obtained.
  • Sanford Stage: Nudity is banned, with the exception of “bona fide” theatrical performances. Violating this ordinance results in a $100 fine.
  • Sarasota: If you hit a pedestrian you are fined $78.00; You may not catch crabs.
  • Tampa Bay: It is illegal to eat cottage cheese on Sunday after 6:00 P.M.
  • Under a 1959 ordinance, stubborn children were considered vagrants in Jupiter Inlet Colony, Fla.
  • When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
  • Women can be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer. The salon owner can also be fined for this horrible crime.

    Georgia

  • Acworth: All citizens must own a rake.
  • A Kennesaw, Ga. law makes it illegal for every homeowner not to own a gun, unless you are a convicted felon, conscientious objector or disabled.
  • Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
  • Atlanta: Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp; One man may not be on another man’s back.
  • Columbus: Can’t cut off a chicken’s head on Sunday; It is illegal to carry a chicken by it’s feet down Broadway on Sunday.
  • Gainesville: Chicken must be eaten with the hands.
  • In Atlanta, Georgia, it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
  • In Columbus, Georgia it is illegal to sit on one’s porch in an indecent position.
  • In Georgia, movie houses that want to show films on Sunday must reserve one showing a month for religious material.
  • It is illegal in Georgia to use profanity in the presence of a corpse.
  • In Quitman, It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road.
  • It is illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless the shades are down.
  • It is illegal to say “Oh, Boy” in Jonesboro.
  • It is illegal to take a bath of orange peel.
  • Kennesaw: Every head of household must possess a firearm of some kind.
  • Marietta: Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.
  • Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session.
  • Signs are required to be written in English.
  • St. Mary’s: No spitting on the sidewalk is permitted after dark.
  • Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.

    Hawaii

  • Honolulu: Within the limits of any public park, it is unlawful to annoy any bird.
  • In Hawaii it is illegal to get a tattoo behind your ear or on your eyelid unless in the presence of a registered physician.
  • Coins are not allowed to be placed in one’s ears.
  • It used to be the law in Hawaii that children had to obey all “lawful and moral” commands of their parents.
  • It’s illegal for a shooting gallery to offer liquor as a prize. The shooter might want to come back after drinking the prize and try again.
  • You will be fined if you do not own a boat.

    Idaho

  • It is illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
  • If a police officer approaches a vehicle and suspects that the occupants are engaging in sex, he must either honk, or flash his lights and wait for three minutes before approaching the car.
  • Idaho Falls: If you’re 88 years of age or older, it’s illegal for you to ride your motorcycle.
  • Idaho and other states allow members of the Native American church to use the hallucinogenic plant peyote in religious services.
  • Walking along the street with a red-tipped cane is strictly prohibited.
  • Non-married couples in Idaho who engage in sexual intercourse can be jailed for up to six months
  • Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime.
  • You may not fish on a camel’s back.

    Illinois

  • “Dwarf-tossing,” the strange practice of hurling dwarfs in padded suits, is outlawed in the bars of Springfield, Ill., because it’s dangerous and exploitative. The practice is apparently allowed elsewhere in town, with a special permit.
  • A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.
  • It is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is “American”.
  • Champaign: One may not pee in his neighbor’s mouth.
  • Chicago: Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire; It is illegal to give a dog whiskey; Kites may not be flown within the city limits; Spitting is forbidden
  • Cicero: Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays.
  • Crete: It is considered an offense to attempt to have sex with one’s dog; Cars may not be driven through the town.
  • Des Plaines: Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.
  • Eureka: A man with a moustache may not kiss a woman.
  • Evanston: Bowling is forbidden; It is illegal to go trick-or-treating on Halloween; It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.
  • Fairfield: It is unlawful for “Negroes” to be within county boundaries from sundown to sunrise.
  • Freeport: It is illegal to expectorate from any second-story window.
  • Galesburg: There is a $1,000 dollar fine for beating rats with baseball bats.
  • Homer: It is against the law to use a slingshot unless your are a law enforcement officer.
  • If the Rushville, Ill., city council doesn’t have a quorum, those sent can have the cops go out and arrest absent members and bring them to the meeting.
  • In Illinois it is illegal for barbers to use their fingers to apply shaving cream to a customer’s face.
  • In Illinois, it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.
  • In Chicago it is also illegal to take a French poodle to the opera, and for women over 200 pounds (90 kilos) to ride horses in shorts.
  • In Chicago, it is illegal to fish in pajamas.
  • In Chicago, people who are diseased, maimed, mutilated, or “otherwise an unsightly or disgusting object” are banned from going out in public.
  • In Oblong, it’s punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
  • In Zion, it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets.
  • It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.
  • It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.
  • It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.
  • It’s not clear what this has done to the bar business, but a law in Chicago, makes it illegal to serve liquor to the feeble-minded.
  • Kenilworth: A rooster must step back three hundred feet from any residence if he wishes to crow; Hens that wish to cackle must step two hundred feet back from any residence.
  • Kirkland: Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of Kirkland’s streets.
  • Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.
  • Moline: Ice skating at the Riverside pond during the months of June and August is prohibited; There is a ban on unnecessary repetitive driving on 23rd Avenue.
  • Morton Grove: You may not own a handgun
  • Normal: It is against the law to make faces at dogs.
  • Orland Park: No pool tables are allowed in a public establishment, because it supports gambling.
  • Ottawa: Spitting on the sidewalk is a criminal offense.
  • Park Ridge: Trucks may only park inside closed garages.
  • Peoria: Basketball hoops may not be installed on a driveway.
  • Pullman: It is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb; It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe’s neck; It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.
  • The English language is not to be spoken.
  • Take some elocution lessons if you’re going to Joliet, Ill., where it’s against the law to mispronounce the city’s name. Offenders can be fined up to $500.
  • The people in Manteno, Ill., do not want used facial tissue, period. Hence, you cannot “throw, drop or place” a used hankie “upon any public way or public place or upon the floor of any convenience or upon the floor of any theater, hall or assembly or public building or upon the surface or any lot or parcel of ground or on the roof on any building or in any light or air shaft, court or areaway.”
  • You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.
  • You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of “eavesdropping” on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2.

    Indiana

  • “Spiteful Gossip” and “talking behind a person’s back” are illegal.
  • A three dollar fine per pack will be imposed on anyone playing cards in Indiana under the Act for the Prevention of Gaming.
  • All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads.
  • Anyone 14 or older who profanely curses, damns or swears by the name of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, shall be fined one to three dollars for each offense, with a maximum fine of ten dollars per day.
  • Auburn: It is illegal to bike, roller-skate, skateboard, or inline skate in a commercially zoned area. For these offenses, there is a fine of no more than $5 or the impounding of one’s bicycle for a period not to exceed 30 days.
  • Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.
  • Beech Grove: It is forbidden to eat watermelon in the park.
  • Check forgery can be punished with public flogging up to 100 stripes.
  • Citizens are not allowed to attend a cinema or theatre nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic.
  • Drinking from your own bottle in a bar can lead to your arrest.
  • Drinks on the house are illegal.
  • Elkhart: It is illegal for barbers to threaten to cut off kid’s ears.
  • Evansville: While driving on Main Street you may not have your lights on.
  • Fort Wayne: You may not sell or play on a radio broadcast, the record “It’s In the Book”.
  • Grocery stores may not sell any type of cold liquor.
  • Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide.
  • If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices.
  • In Indiana it is illegal to sell laughing gas with the intent to induce laughter.
  • In South Bend, Indiana, it is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.
  • It is against the law to pass a horse on the street.
  • Men are prohibited from standing in a bar.
  • Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.
  • No one may catch a fish with his bare hands.
  • One man may not back into a parking spot because it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate.
  • Oral sex is illegal.
  • Pedestrians crossing the highway at night are prohibited from wearing tail lights.
  • Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session.
  • State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post.
  • Taxpayers of Bainbridge, Ind., used to have to swear a solemn oath that the values they placed on their taxable property were the fair market values.
  • Terre Haute: No one may spit on the sidewalk.
  • The value of Pi is 4, and not 3.1415
  • You are not allowed to carry a cocktail from the bar to a table; the waiter or waitress has to do it.
  • You are required to pour your drink into a glass.
  • You can get out of paying for a dependent’s medical care by praying for him/her.

    Iowa

  • A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
  • An owner or employee of an establishment in Iowa that sells alcohol can’t legally consume a drink there after closing for business.
  • Don’t plan on running a “tab” in Iowa; it’s illegal.
  • Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.
  • If a law enforcement officer is having a drink in a bar in Iowa and an employee pours water down the drain, the water is legally considered an alcohol beverage intended for unlawful purposes.
  • In Dubuque any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post in front of the building.
  • In Fort Madison the fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire.
  • Indianola: The “Ice Cream Man” and his truck are banned.
  • It is illegal to hunt from an aircraft.
  • It is illegal to accept a gratuity or tip in Iowa.
  • Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.
  • One-armed piano players must perform for free.
  • Ottumwa: Within the city limits, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.
  • Riverboat gamblers in Iowa have a $5 maximum bet.
  • The Iowa Legislature once passed a resolution ordering the state cafeteria to start serving cornbread.
  • Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn’t allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you — or holding you in his arms.
  • You may shoot Native Americans if there are more than five of them on your property at any one time.

    Kansas

  • If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.
  • In Kansas City, KS, saying the name “George Washington” without adding the phrase “blessed be his name,” can land you with a fine of up to fifty cents.
  • In Natoma, Kansas, it’s illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suites.
  • In Topeka, Kansas, servers are forbidden to serve wine in teacups.
  • In Wichita, at the intersection of Douglas and Broadway, all motorists are required to stop at the intersection, exit their vehicles, and fire three shotgun rounds, before continuing on their way.
  • It is illegal to catch bullfrogs in a tomato patch.
  • It is illegal to hunt whales.
  • It is illegal to put ice cream on cherry pie in Kansas.
  • Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
  • Lawrence: All cars entering the city limits must first sound their horn to warn the horses of their arrival. No one may wear a bee in their hat.
  • Minors in Kansas City, Missouri, are not allowed to purchase cap pistols; they may buy shotguns freely, however.
  • No one may catch fish with his bare hands in Kansas.
  • Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights.
  • Rabbits may not be shot from motorboats.
  • Russell: Musical car horns are banned
  • Salina: It is against the law to leave your car running unattended.
  • The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.
  • Topeka: The installation of bathtubs is prohibited.
  • Wichita: Before proceeding through the intersection of Douglas and Broadway, a motorist is required to get out of their vehicle and fire three shot gun rounds into the air. Any person caught using or carrying bean snappers or the like shall upon conviction, be fined. -City ordinance 349 of Wichita, Kansas.

    Kentucky

  • A person can be sent to jail for five years for merely sending a bottle of beer, wine or spirits as a gift to a friend in Kentucky.
  • An ordinance in Murray, Ky., says the superintendent of sanitation “shall determine whether a person is small, medium or large.” Why the superintendent should make this determination is left unsaid.
  • A Kentucky statute says: “No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she is escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club.” Later, an amendment proposed: “The provisions of this statute shall not apply to any female weighing less than sixty pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds; nor shall it apply to female horses.”
  • All nude people in your house must be registered in Kentucky.
  • An excerpt from brilliant Kentucky state legislation. “No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club”. The following important ammendment however is to be considered here: “The provisions of this statuate shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds,
  • Any person who appears on any highway, or upon the street of any city that has no police protection, when clothed only in ordinary bathing garb, shall be fined no less than five dollars nor more than twenty-five dollars.” – KRS 436.140
  • Any person who displays, handles or uses any kind of reptile in connection with any religious service or gathering shall be fined not less than fifty dollars ($50) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100). -KRS 437.060 (Passed 1942, from Ky. Stat. sec. 1267a-1.).
  • By law, anyone who has been drinking is “sober” until he or she “cannot hold onto the ground”.
  • Each year, the mayor of Danville, Ky., must appoint “three intelligent housekeepers” to the Board of Tax Supervisors.
  • Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman’s tie.
  • In Danville, Ky., it’s illegal to throw slops or soapsuds in the street.
  • In Kentucky, according to an old law, it’s illegal to use any kind of reptile in a religious service. It’s not certain if the law would withstand First Amendment scrutiny today.
  • In Kentucky every citizen of is required to take a shower once a year.
  • In Kentucky you need a license to walk around nude on your property.
  • In Lexington, Kentucky, it’s illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.
  • It is illegal in Kentucky to marry the same man more than 3 times.
  • It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky.
  • It is illegal to shoot game out of the window of a moving vehicle, with the exception of a whale
  • It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.
  • It’s illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without an Indiana Fishing License.
  • Lexington: It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket. By law, anyone who has been drinking is “sober” until he or she “cannot hold onto the ground.”
  • No person owning or controlling a billiard or pool table shall permit, for compensation or reward, any minor under eighteen (18) years of age to play any game on the table, unless such minor shall have first displayed an identification card containing his name, age, photograph, and the signature of his parents or guardian. The minor shall keep such identification card on his person, and it shall be subject to inspection at any time by any peace officer. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall keep and maintain a registration book in which each minor shall sign. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall supply a blank identification card to each parent or guardian who makes request for same. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than ten ($10) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100) for each offense. -KRS 436.320 (Passed 1893; Amended in 1954, Ky. Acts ch. 232, sec. 1)
  • No person shall sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have been dyed or colored; nor dye or color any baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits; nor sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange or to give away baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits, under two months of age in any quantity less than six, except that any rabbit weighing three pounds or more may be sold at an age of six weeks. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than $100 nor more than $500. -KRS 436.600 (Passed 1966 Ky. Acts ch. 215, sec. 5.)
  • Owensboro: A woman may not buy a hat without her husband’s permission. One may not receive anal sex. All bees entering Kentucky shall be accompanied by certificates of health, stating that the apiary from which the bees came was free from contagious or infectious disease. -KRS 252.130 (Passed in 1922; Repealed in 1948)

    Louisiana

  • An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.
  • Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault”, while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault”.
  • Communism has been against the law in Haines City, La., since 1950.
  • If you’ve ever been to Mardi Gras in New Orleans, you’ll see the kings and queens on the various floats throwing plastic money, medallions and jewels to the crowd, but not food. It’s against the law to throw food from a float in the Mardi Gras festivities.
  • It is against state law to steal even a single crawfish.
  • It is illegal to gargle in public places.
  • It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
  • It illegal for a woman to drive a car unless her husband is waving a flag in front of it.
  • It is illegal in Lafayette, Louisiana to play a musical instrument for the purpose of attracting attention, without a license.
  • It’s legal to walk down the street with a drink in New Orleans, even to drive with a drink. But if you fall over and block the sidewalk, you’ve just broken the law.
  • Louisiana law prohibits couples who are shopping for a new bed from putting it to the “ultimate test”– in other words, from trying it out by making love on it, or even simulating this activity.
  • Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
  • New Orleans: You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.
  • Rituals that involve the ingestion of blood, urine, or fecal matter are not allowed.
  • Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
  • Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.
  • You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.

    Maine

  • After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up.
  • In Augusta to stroll down the street playing a violin is against the law.
  • It’s illegal to clean salmon along Maine’s upper Kennebec River. Enforcement of this law has been made easier for many years by the fact that, because of a dam, there are no salmon on the upper Kennebec River.
  • In Maine, it is illegal to sell a car on Sunday unless it comes equipped with plumbing.
  • In Maine it’s illegal to catch lobsters with your bare hands.
  • In Portland shoelaces must be tied while walking down the street.
  • In Waterville, Maine, it is illegal to blow one’s nose in public.
  • It’s unlawful to tickle a woman’s chin with a feather duster in Portland.
  • Shoelaces must be tied while walking down the street.
  • Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack.
  • You may not step out of a plane in flight.

    Maryland

  • Baltimore City: Though you may spit on a city roadway, spitting on city sidewalks is prohibited. You may not curse inside the city limits.
  • Baltimore: It’s illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city limits. It’s illegal to take a lion to the movies. It is a park rule violation to be in a public park with a sleeveless shirt. $10 fine. This would include joggers that go shirtless. (1898) -Park Rule 6 It is a violation of city code to sell chicks or ducklings to a minor within 1 week of the Easter holiday.
  • Baltimore has regulations governing the disposal of hog’s heads, pet droppings and oyster shells.
  • Columbia: You can not have a antenna exposed outside of your house yet you can have a 25′ satellite dish. Though clotheslines are banned, clothes may be draped over a fence.
  • Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.
  • Gypsies should steer clear of Caroline County, Md., where it’s a $100 fine or six months in the can for “forecasting or pretending to foretell the future.”
  • In Baltimore it’s illegal to block the sidewalk with a box. But the offense only carries a $1 fine. Another law makes it illegal to throw bale of hay (or of anything else) out a second-story window. That gets you a $20 fine. In Baltimore it’s illegal to play professional croquet before 2 p.m. Sunday. The law also applies to professional quoits.
  • In Baltimore it is illegal to mistreat oysters.
  • In Baltimore, it is illegal to wash or scrub sinks no matter how dirty they get.
  • In Baltimore, Maryland, it is not legal to take a lion to the movies.
  • In Halethrope, Maryland kisses longer than one second are illegal.
  • In Maryland, a woman may not go through her husband’s pockets while he is sleeping.
  • In Maryland, men may not buy drinks for female bartenders.
  • In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only “in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.”
  • In Maryland, the legislature once proposed a board of parachute examiners to be made up of five licensed parachute instructors who would test and license all other parachute instructors. The plan had been abandoned when it was learned there were only three licensed parachute instructors in the state.
  • In the entire state of Maryland, it is illegal to give or recieve oral sex.
  • It is a violation to be in a public park with a sleeveless shirt. $10 fine.
  • It’s illegal to take a lion to the movies.
  • Maryland now requires that alcohol beverage writers be certified as experts by an agency of the state before they can receive product samples, which it limits to three bottles per brand.
  • Ocean City: A law from the early 1900’s prohibits men from going topless on the Boardwalk. Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited
  • Thistles may not grow in one’s yard.
  • You can not have a antenna exposed outside of your house yet you can have a 25′ satellite dish.
  • You cannot swear while inside the city limits of Baltimore.
  • You cannot throw a bail of hay out of a second story window in Annapolis.
  • You may not curse inside the city limits.

    Massachusetts

  • A Boston mayor who disliked dancing and liked to retire early once banned midnight dancing in the Hub City.
  • A woman can not be on top in sexual activities.
  • Affiliation with the Communist party is illegal.
  • Alcoholic drink specials are illegal.
  • All men must carry a rifle to church on Sunday.
  • An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.
  • At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches.
  • Boston: It is illegal to play the fiddle. Two people may not kiss in front of a church. No more than two baths may be taken within the confines of the city. No one may cross the Boston Common without carrying a shotgun in case of bears. Anyone may let their sheep and cows graze in the public gardens/commons at any time except o Sundays. It is illegal to eat peanuts in church. An old law prohibits the taking of baths on Sunday. Duels to the death permitted on the common on Sundays provided that the Governor is present. Women may not wear heels over 3 inches in length while on the common. No one may take a bath without a prescription. It is illegal for any citizen to own more than three dogs.
  • Both Massachusetts and New Hampshire had old laws that penalized gamblers who lost money. You’d get fined in Massachusetts if you had any money left.
  • Bullets may not be used as currency.
  • Burlington: You may not walk around with a “drink”.
  • Cambridge: It is illegal to shake carpets in the street, or to throw orange peels on the sidewalk. It costs $50 extra for a permit for hurling, soccer or Gaelic football games in a public park on a Sunday.
  • Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes.
  • Defacing a milk carton is punishable by a $10 fine.
  • Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.
  • Hingham: You may not have colored lights on your house if it can be seen from Main Street. Only white lights may be visible. If you live on Main Street and want to paint your house, the colors must be approved by the historical society.
  • Hopkinton: Though horses and cows are allowed on the common, dogs are prohibited.
  • Hunting on Sundays is prohibited.
  • Holyoke, Massachusetts, makes it unlawful to water your lawn when it is raining.
  • In a law that predates returnable bottles and cans, it’s illegal in Boston to rummage through rubbish containers.
  • In 1659 the state of Massachusetts outlawed Christmas.
  • In Boston it’s illegal to post an advertisement on a public urinal. It’s also against the law to hang a vending machine on a utility pole.
  • In Boston, it’s illegal to cut firewood in the street, or shoot a bow and arrow in the street.
  • In Boston it’s against the law to keep manure in a building unless the building is being used as a stable. If it is, you can keep up to two cords of manure. If you’re overstocked, you need a permit to move the stuff. And you can’t leave it in the street.
  • In Boston, Massachusetts it is illegal to take a bath unless instructed to do so by a physician.
  • In Massachusetts, it is unlawful to deliver diapers on Sunday, regardless of emergencies.
  • In Massachusetts you must have a license to wear a goatee.
  • In Massachusetts, if you get caught eating peanuts in church , you can be jailed for up to one year.
  • In Provincetown, Mass., it’s illegal to sell suntan oil until after noon on Sunday.
  • In Salem, Massachesetts sleeping in the nude in a rented room is forbidden, even for married couples.
  • It is illegal to frighten a pigeon.
  • It is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath.
  • It is illegal to put tomatoes in clam chowder.
  • It is illegal to reproach Jesus Christ or the holy ghost.
  • It is illegal to take more than 2 baths a month within Boston confines.
  • It is unlawful to injure a football goal post, doing so is punishable by a $200 fine
  • It’s illegal to allow someone to use stilts while working on the construction of a building.
  • It’s illegal to drive Texan, Mexican, Cherokee, or Indian cattle on a public road.
  • It’s illegal to keep a mule on the second floor of a building not in a city unless there are 2 exits.
  • It’s illegal to sell fewer than 24 ducklings at a time before May 1, or to sell rabbits, chicks, or ducklings that have been painted a different color.
  • It’s illegal to take a lion to the movies.
  • Longmeadow: It is illegal for two men to carry a bathtub across the town green.
  • Marlboro: It is illegal to buy, sell or possess a squirt gun. Silly string is illegal in the city limits. One may not detonate a nuclear device in the city. It is illegal for any citizen to own more than two dogs.
  • Massachusetts law declares that peanuts may not be eaten in court.
  • Massachusetts liquor stores can only open on Sundays if they are in Berkshire, Essex, Franklin, Middlesex or Worcester counties and are within 10 miles of the Vermont or New Hampshire borders.
  • Milford: Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden.
  • Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
  • Newton: All families must be given a hog from the town’s mayor.
  • No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car.
  • North Andover: An ordinance prohibits the use of space guns.
  • Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden.
  • Public boxing matches are outlawed.
  • Quakers and witches are banned.
  • Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
  • Southbridge, Massachusetts, makes it illegal to read books or newspapers after 8 p.m. in the streets.
  • Tattooing and body piercing is illegal.
  • Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.
  • There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs tied during the month of April.
  • Tomatoes may not be used in the production of clam chowder.
  • Under an old law in Marblehead, Mass., it was illegal to cross the street on Sunday, unless absolutely necessary.
  • Woburn: In bars, it is illegal to “walk around” with a beer in your hand.
  • You can not have a antenna exposed outside of your house yet you can have a 25′ satellite dish.
  • You may not curse inside the city limits.
  • You may not, at any time take a crap on your neighbour.

    Michigan

  • A Michigan law states that a wife’s hair legally belongs to her husband.
  • A woman isn’t allowed to cut her own hair without her husband’s permission.
  • Any person over the age of 12 may have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a felony.
  • In Clawson, Mich., there is a law that makes it LEGAL for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.
  • In Detroit, couples are not allowed to make love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple’s own property.
  • In Detroit, Michigan it is illegal to sleep in a bathtub.
  • In Rochester, Michigan, anyone bathing in public must have his or her bathing suit inspected by a police officer.
  • It is legal for a robber to file a law suit, if he or she got hurt in your house.
  • It is illegal to loiter in the city morgue in Detroit.
  • It’s illegal in Michigan for a person under the age of 21 to give a gift of alcohol beverage to anyone, even to a person of legal age.
  • Permitting diners to take home an unfinished bottle of alcohol beverage, rather than consuming it all before leaving to prevent “waste,” encourages moderation and discourages intoxication. However, this is prohibited in Michigan.
  • Smoking while in bed is illegal.
  • The use of the names of dead presidents to sell alcohol in Michigan is prohibited.
  • Under an 1889 law, the health officer of East Jordan, Mich., could send any nonresident with an infectious disease back to where he came from, as long as the person could travel. If not, the officer could rent a house for use as a pest house.
  • You may not swear in front of women and children in the state of Michigan.

    Minnesota

  • A Blue Earth, Minnesota, law declares that no child under the age of twelve may talk over the telephone unless monitored by a parent.
  • A Minnesota tax form is quite thorough. Some would say too thorough. It even asks for your date of death.
  • A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head.
  • A woman isn’t allowed to cut her own hair without her husband’s permission.
  • All bathtubs must have feet.
  • All men driving motorcycles must wear shirts.
  • Any person over the age of 12 may have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a felony.
  • Citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head.
  • Clawson: There is a law that makes it legal for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.
  • Every man in Brainerd, Minnesota is required by law to grow a beard.
  • Grand Haven: No person shall throw an abandoned hoop skirt into any street or on any sidewalk, under penalty of a five- dollar fine for each offense.
  • Hamburgers may not be eaten on Sundays.
  • Harper Woods: It is illegal to paint sparrows to sell them as parakeets.
  • Hibbing: It shall be the duty of any policeman or any other officer to enforce the provisions of this Section, and if any cat is found running at large, or which is found in any street, alley or public place, it shall be the duty of any policeman or other officer of the city to kill such cat.
  • In Duluth, Minnesota it is illegal to allow animals to sleep in a bakery.
  • In Minnesota, it’s illegal to tease skunks. (As if being sprayed weren’t enough of a deterrent.)
  • It is illegal to sleep naked.
  • It is legal for a robber to file a law suit, if he or she got hurt in your house.
  • It used to be legal in Minnesota to sell rolled candy on Sunday, and illegal to sell flat candy. The wafer people have gotten this one repealed.
  • Minneapolis: Red cars can not drive down Lake Street
  • Minnesota has repealed its so-called “Twinkie” law, under which a Minneapolis City Council candidate was indicted for dispensing $34 worth of Twinkies, Ho-Hos, cookies, Kool-Aid and coffee to some senior citizens.
  • Minnesotans are forbade from teasing skunks.
  • No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
  • Oral sex is prohibited.
  • Public intoxication is a crime in Pennsylvania but specifically not a crime in Minnesota.
  • Rochester: All bathing suits must have been inspected by the head of police. Smoking while in bed is illegal.
  • St. Cloud: Hamburgers may not be eaten on Sundays.
  • There is a 10 cent bounty for each rat’s head brought into a town office.
  • Virginia: You’re not allowed to park your elephant on Main Street.
  • Wayland: Anyone can keep their cow on Main Street downtown at a cost of 3 cents per day.
  • You may not swear in front of women and children in the state of Michigan. Kalamazoo: It is against the law to serenade your girlfriend.

    Mississippi

  • Adultery or Fornication (living together while not married or having sex with someone that is not your spouse) results in a fine of $500 and/or 6 months in prison.
  • Cattle rustling is punishable by hanging.
  • Columbus: The fine for waving a gun in public is higher than actually shooting it.
  • Horses are not to be housed within 50 feet of any road.
  • In Brandon, Mississipi it is illegal to attempt to stop someone from walking down the sidewalk by parking a motorhome in their path.
  • In Temperance, MS, you can’t walk a dog without dressing it in diapers.
  • In Oxford, Miss., it’s illegal to “create unnecessary noises.”
  • It is illegal for a male to be sexually aroused in public.
  • It is illegal to drive around the town square more than 100 times in a single session.
  • Oxford: It is illegal to drive around the town square more than 100 times in a single session. One may not spit on the sidewalks on the square. Motor vehicles on the square are prohibited. Horn honking is not permitted as it might scare horses.
  • Tylertown: It is unlawful to shave in the center of main street.
  • Unnatural intercourse, if both parties voluntarily participate, results in a maximum sentence of 10 years and $10,000.
  • Unnatural intercourse, if both parties voluntarily participate, results in a maximum sentence of 10 years and $10,000.
  • Vagrancy is punishable by either 30 days in prison or a $201 fine.

    Missouri

  • Anyone under the age of 21 who takes out household trash containing even a single empty alcohol beverage container can be charged with illegal possession of alcohol in Missouri.
  • Buckner: In this small town of only 4,000, yard waste may be burned any day except Sunday.
  • Children can buy shotguns in Kansas City, Missouri… but not toy cap guns.
  • Excelsior Springs: Hard objects may not be thrown by hand. Worrying squirrels is not tolerated.
  • Four women may not rent an apartment together.
  • Hard objects may not be thrown by hand.
  • In Ballwin, Mo., the only place you can use vulgar, obscene or indecent language is in your home.
  • In Merryville women are prohibited from wearing corsets because “the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male.”
  • In Springfield, door to door salesman are prohibited from selling their goods while standing in the middle of the road, screaming at passing vehicles.
  • In St. Louis, it’s illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket.
  • In St. Louis, a law on the books makes it illegal to park your car without turning off the engine. This was to avoid scaring horses.
  • It is illegal to have oral sex.
  • It is not illegal to speed.
  • It’s illegal to sit on any street curb in St. Louis, Missouri, and drink beer from a bucket.
  • Kansas City: Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols, however they may buy shotguns freely. Installation of bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws is prohibited.
  • Marceline: Minors can buy rolling paper and tobacco but not lighters.
  • Marquette: It is illegal for more than four unrelated persons to occupy the same dwelling (The Brothel Law).
  • Minors can buy rolling paper and tobacco but not lighters.
  • Minors in Kansas City, Missouri, are not allowed to purchase cap pistols; they may buy shotguns freely, however.
  • Mole: Frightening a baby is in violation of the law.
  • Natchez: It shall be unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants.
  • Purdy: Dancing is strictly prohibited.
  • St. Louis: It’s illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket. This law refers back to the extinct Italian celebration, Hill Day, when beer was served in buckets. A milk man may not run while on duty.
  • University City: Four women may not rent an apartment together.

    Montana

  • It is a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail.
  • It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone.
  • In Billings, Montana it is illegal for employees of the city’s communications center to program their phones with speed dial.
  • Balls may not be thrown within the city limits.
  • It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime in Montana.
  • Bozeman has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown — if they’re nude.
  • Seven or more Indians are considered a raiding or war party and it is legal to shoot them.
  • It is illegal for a man and a woman to have sex in any other position other than missionary style. In Montana, it is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all.
  • It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime.
  • It is a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail.
  • It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone.
  • Excelsior Springs: Balls may not be thrown within the city limits.
  • Helena: No item may be thrown across a street.
  • Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can’t dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.
  • Salisbury: Pop bottles are not to be thrown on the ground.
  • Whitehall: It is illegal to operate a vehicle with ice picks attached to the wheels.
  • Montana just legalized the production of caviar.

    Nebraska

  • A man is not allowed to run around with a shaved chest.
  • A parent can be arrested if her/his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.
  • Barbers are forbidden by law from shaving a man’s chest in Omaha, Nebraska.
  • If a child burps during church, his parent may be arrested.
  • In the fine state of Nebraska, it is not legal for a tavern owner to serve beer unless a nice kettle of soup is also brewing.
  • It is illegal for a mother to give her daughter a perm without a state license.
  • It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.
  • It is Illegal to go whale fishing.
  • It is illegal to sleep naked in a hotel/ motel room.
  • Lehigh: Doughnut holes may not be sold
  • Omaha: Sneezing or burping is illegal during a church service.
  • The owner of every hotel in Hastings is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.
  • Waterloo: Barbers are forbidden from eating onions between 7 A.M. and 7 P.M.

    Nevada

  • A man is forbidden from buying drinks for more than three people other than himself at any one period during the day.
  • Clark County: An ordinance makes bringing a concealable fire arm into the county illegal unless it is registered with the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department. In order to register a handgun, however, it must be brought in to the police station. Furthermore, you may not register a gun on the weekends, but the police may prosecute you at that time.
  • Elko: Everyone walking the streets is required to wear a mask.
  • Eureka: Men who wear moustaches are forbidden from kissing women.
  • In Eureka, Nevada men who have mustaches are forbidden from kissing women.
  • In Las Vegas, Nevada: It’s against the law to pawn your dentures.
  • In Las Vegas you can bet on any team–except The University of Nevada at Las Vegas.
  • In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal.
  • In Nevada until the 1960s it was illegal to sell liquor at religious camp meetings, within a half-mile of the state prison, in the State Capitol Building or to imbeciles.
  • In Reno, Nevada staging a marathon dance is illegal, although posting a notice on a fire hydrant about illegal dance marathons is not.
  • In the old days in Nevada a man caught beating his wife was tied to a stake for eight hours a day with a sign that read, “Wife Beater” fastened to his chest.
  • It’s illegal in Nevada to have a “house of ill fame” within 400 yards of a church or school.
  • It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.
  • It is illegal in Reno, Nevada to conceal a spray-painted shopping cart in your basement.
  • It’s still “legal” to hang someone for shooting your dog on your property.
  • Nyala: A man is forbidden from buying drinks for more than three people other than himself at any one period during the day.
  • Saloonkeepers had to post the names of habitual drunkards if so requested by the local sheriff or members of the imbibers’ immediate families.

    New Hampshire

  • Any cattle that crosses state roads must be fitted with a device to gather its feces.
  • If a person is caught raking the beaches, picking up litter, hauling away trash, building a bench for the park, or many other kind things without a permit, he/she may be fined $150 for ”maintaining the national forest without a permit”.
  • In New Hampshire it is illegal to inhale bus fumes with the intent of inducing euphoria.
  • In New Hampshire you are prohibited from pawning the clothes off your back to pay off gambling debts.
  • It is considered an offense to check into a hotel under an assumed name.
  • It is illegal to pick seaweed up off of the beach.
  • New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
  • On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up.
  • White Mountain Nat. Forest: If a person is caught raking the beaches, picking up litter, hauling away trash, building a bench for the park, or many other kind things without a permit, he/she may be fined $150 for ”maintaining the national forest without a permit”.
  • You cannot sell the clothes you are wearing to pay off a gambling debt.
  • You may not run machinery on Sundays.

    New Jersey

  • Automobiles are not to pass horse drawn carriages on the street.
  • Bernards Township: It is illegal to frown as the town is a “Frown-Free Town Zone”.
  • Caldwell: You may not dance or wear shorts on the main avenue.
  • Car dealerships are forbidden from opening on Sunday.
  • Cranford: Citizens are not permitted to park their own boat on their lawn.
  • Cresskill: All cats must wear three bells to warn birds of their whereabouts.
  • Elizabeth: It is forbidden for a woman, on a Sunday, to walk down Broad Street without wearing a petticoat.
  • If you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated, you may never again apply for personalized license plates.
  • In Berkley Heights you may not walk your cattle on the street on Sunday.
  • In Newark it is illegal to buy ice cream after 6:00 p.m.
  • In New Jersey it is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.
  • In New Jersey, it is illegal to slurp soup.
  • It’s illegal in New Jersey for parents to give their children under the age of 18 even a sip of alcohol.
  • It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.
  • It is against the law to “frown” at a police officer.
  • It is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.
  • It is illegal to offer whiskey or cigarettes to animals at the local zoo.
  • It’s also illegal in this state to throw a bad pickle on the street.
  • Lovers in Liberty Corner should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.
  • Manville: It is illegal to offer whiskey or cigarettes to animals a the local zoo.
  • Newark: It is illegal to sell ice cream after 6pm, unless the customer has a note from his doctor.
  • Ocean City: People may not slurp their soup. Pinball machines are not to be played on Sunday. Raw hamburger may not be sold.
  • On a highway you can not park under a bridge.
  • Raritan: Profanity is prohibited.
  • Raw hamburger may not be sold.
  • Sea Isle City: There will be no boiling of bones on the property.
  • There is no horse racing allowed on the New Jersey Turnpike.
  • Trenton: You may not throw a bad pickle in the street. Pickles are not to be consumed on Sundays.
  • Unless you have a doctor’s note, it’s illegal to buy ice cream after 6 PM in Newark, New Jersey.
  • You cannot pump your own gas. All gas stations are full service and full service only.
  • You may not slurp your soup.

    New Mexico

  • A city council member in Albuquerque, N.M., introduced a resolution a few years ago to ban Santa Claus from the city. The matter was defeated.
  • Carrizozo: It’s forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public.
  • Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public.
  • In Albuquerque, New Mexico it is illegal for cab drivers to reach out and pull potential customers into their cabs.
  • In Carlsbad it’s legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.
  • In recent years, several efforts have been made to legalize camel racing and ostrich racing in New Mexico, but to no avail. Those bills were defeated, but the legislature recently allowed gambling on bicycle races.
  • It’s forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public.
  • Las Cruces: You may not carry a lunchbox down Main Street.
  • State officials ordered 400 words of “sexually explicit material” to be cut from Romeo and Juliet.

    New York

  • A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking “at a woman in that way.” A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a “pair of horse-blinders” wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.
  • A license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline.
  • A person may not walk around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in his/her pocket.
  • Before the enactment of the 1978 law that made it mandatory for dog owners in New York City to clean up after their pets, approximately 40 million pounds of dog excrement were deposited on the streets every year.
  • Carmel: A man can’t go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match.
  • Citizens may not greet each other by “putting one’s thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers”.
  • Donkeys are not allowed to sleep in bathtubs in Brooklyn, N.Y.
  • During a concert, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks.
  • In Carmel, N.Y., a man can’t go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match.
  • In Greene, New York, During a concert, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks.
  • In New York, you can teach your pet parrot to speak, but not to squawk.
  • In New York City you need a permit to transport carbonated beverages.
  • In New York City it is illegal for a man to give ‘The Standard Lear’ to a woman. Violators are forced to wear horse blinders.
  • In New York City, it’s illegal to throw swill into the street.
  • In New York City it’s illegal to shake a dust mop out a window.
  • In New York State it is still illegal to shoot a rabbit from a moving trolley car.
  • In Ocean City, New York It is illegal to eat in the street in residential neighborhoods, and the only beverage you can drink on the beach is water in a clear plastic bottle.
  • In Ocean City New York, It is illegal for men to go topless in the center of town.
  • In Staten Island, New York, It is illegal for a father to call his son a “faggot” or “queer” in an effort to curb “girlie behavior.”
  • In Staten Island, New York, You may only water your lawn if the hose is held in your hand.
  • In Tonawanda, New York homeless people may not start a fire in the park unless they intend to cook food.
  • It is against the law to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun.
  • It is illegal for a father to call his son a “faggot” or “queer” in an effort to curb “girlie behavior.”
  • It is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing “body hugging clothing.”
  • It is illegal to jump off the Empire State building.
  • It’s illegal in New York to start any kind of public performance, show, play, game or what have you, until after 1:05 p.m.
  • Jaywalking is legal, as long as it’s not diagonal. That is, you can cross the street out of the crosswalk, but you can’t cross a street diagonally.
  • Members of nine New York Indian tribes are exempt from the city’s eight percent parking tax.
  • New York and a handful of other states require that toilets be evenly divided among men and women in public theaters or arenas.
  • New York: Citizens may not greet each other by “putting one’s thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers”. It is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing “body hugging clothing.” You may not smoke within 100 feet of the entrance to a public building. Women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business.
  • New York City may be the theater capital of the country, but it’s illegal to have a puppet show in your window and a violation can land you in the snoozer for 30 days.
  • New Yorkers cannot dissolve a marriage for irreconcilable differences, unless they both agree to it.
  • Ocean City: It is illegal to eat in the street in residential neighborhoods, and the only beverage you can drink on the beach is water in a clear plastic bottle. It is illegal for men to go topless in the center of town.
  • Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 P.M.
  • Staten Island: You may only water your lawn if the hose is held in your hand. It is illegal for a father to call his son a “faggot” or “queer” in an effort to curb “girlie behavior.”
  • The New York City Transit Authority has ruled that women can ride the city subways topless. New York law dictates that if a man can be somewhere without a shirt, a woman gets the same right. The decision came after arrests of women testing the ordinance on the subways. A transit police spokesman said they would comply with the new rule, but “if they were violating any other rules, like sitting on a subway bench topless smoking a cigarette, then we would take action.” Smoking is not allowed in the subways.
  • The New York State Senate passed a resolution to commemorate the 25th anniversary of the Brooklyn Dodgers’ 1955 world championship and expressed a longing that someday the Dodgers will return to “their one and only true home.”
  • The penalty for jumping off a building is death.
  • To cut down on its once-horrific graffiti problem, New York City several years ago made it illegal to carry an open can of spray paint.
  • While riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking toward the door.
  • Women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business.
  • You may not smoke within 100 feet of the entrance to a public building.
  • You may only water your lawn if the hose is held in your hand

    North Carolina

  • A recent proposal that ministers walk the beat with police officers in Belmont, N.C., notes “the ministers will carry a Bible instead of a gun.”
  • An ordinance proposed in Robbins, N.C., states, “In the future, anyone not living within the immediate vicinity of Robbins must have a permit from the Chief of Police and okayed by the Mayor or one of the Commissioners.” It’s not clear what the permit is for, but they may be on to something.
  • In Robbins, N.C., anyone who refuses to black out after hearing the blackout signal is subject to a $5 fine.
  • A marriage can be declared void if either of the two persons is physically impotent.
  • All couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart. Making love in the space between the beds is strictly forbidden.
  • All couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart.
  • Barber: Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited.
  • By town law the sewer service charge in Belhaven, N.C., used to be “$2 per month, per stool.” It was recently changed to read “per toilet.”
  • Because people were using them for cheap furniture, it’s now illegal in North Carolina to take and sell labeled milk crates.
  • Chapel Hill: It is a misdemeanor to urinate or defecate publicly.
  • Charlotte: Women must have their bodies covered by at least 16 yards of cloth at all times. E
  • Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields.
  • Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited.
  • Forest City: You must stop and call City Hall before entering town in an automobile. This is so the townspeople will have time to go out and hold their horses until you get through town.
  • Greensboro: Restaurants “with on sidewalk dining” must post their menu so that it is clearly readable from the sidewalk, but is not readable from the street.
  • Hornytown: Massage parlors have been banned.
  • In Asheville, North Carolina, it is illegal to sneeze on city streets.
  • In Raleigh, North Carolina, before a man asks for a woman’s hand in marriage, he must be “inspected by all the barnyard animals on the young woman’s family’s property, to ensure a harmonious farm life.”
  • If a man and a woman who aren’t married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married.
  • If you happen to own a marl bed in North Carolina, the law demands that you put a fence around it. A marl bed may not be what you think. It is a kind of rock quarry.
  • In Barber, North Carolina fights between cats and dogs are prohibited.
  • In Chapel Hill, North Carolina it is a misdemeanor to urinate or defecate publicly.
  • In Charlotte, NC, woman must have their bodies covered with at least 16 yards of cloth at all times.
  • In Forest City, N.C., it’s illegal to bring a pea-shooter to a parade. It’s also illegal to shoot paper clips with rubber bands.
  • In Mooresville, N.C., it’s illegal to attach anything to a pool table.
  • In Nags Headm North Carolina you can be fined for singing out of tune for more than ninety seconds.
  • In Rockwell, N.C., anyone who violates the terms of a proclamation–such as failing to appropriately celebrate Peanut Day or Jaycees Week–is guilty of a misdemeanor.
  • North Carolina just passed a law saying a political action committee, or PAC, has to have a name that describes the group’s cause or purpose. The idea is to prohibit, say, the highway or tobacco lobbies from calling themselves “Citizens for Good Government.”
  • In North Carolina it’s illegal to dig ginseng on other people’s property between the months of April and September, according to an 1866 law.
  • In North Carolina it’s illegal to sell cotton lint at night. It’s also legal to sell cottonseed at night.
  • In North Carolina it is illegal to make love on the floor of a hotel room between two double beds.
  • In Winston-Salem, North Carolina, it is against the law for children under seven years of age to go to college.
  • It is against the law to roller blade on a state highway.
  • It is illegal to have sex in a churchyard.
  • It’s against the law to sing off key in North Carolina.
  • It’s against the law to sing off key.
  • It’s unlawful to attract a crowd in Forest City, N.C., except when aching the Gospel, politicking or “serenading on occasion of public rejoicing.”
  • Kill Devil Hills: You may not ride a bicycle without having both your hands on the handle bars.
  • Making love in the space between the beds is strictly forbidden.
  • North Carolina forbids sex outside of marriage, or “fornication,” but the girlfriend as well as the man would have to be prosecuted.
  • Oral sex is considered a crime against nature.
  • Punching an official at a youth sports program in Nashville, N.C., incurs a three-year suspension from the program for adult spectators as well as participants.
  • Rocky Mount: It is required that you must pay a property tax on your dog.
  • Southern Shores: It is against the law to roller-blade on a state highway.
  • Thomasville, North Carolina, prohibits airplanes from flying over the town on Sundays during the hours between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m.
  • The good people of Tryon, N.C., are serious about getting a good night’s sleep. It’s against the law for anyone to keep “fowl that shall cackle,” or for anyone to play the piccolo between the hours of 11 p.m. and 7:30 a.m.
  • While having sex, you must stay in the missionary position and have the shades pulled.
  • You can’t sneeze on the streets of Asheville, North Carolina.
  • You may not ride a bicycle without having both your hands on the handle bars. lon College: There is to be no roller-blading during daylight hours, on the roads, or on the bricks. All the sidewalks at this college are made of brick.

    North Dakota

  • Beer and pretzels can’t be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.
  • Fargo: One may be jailed for wearing a hat while dancing, or even for wearing a hat to a function where dancing is taking place.
  • In Collierville: Keeping clean can be a chilly proposition, as a law there says all bathtubs must be kept in the backyard.
  • In North Dakota, charitable groups can hold stud poker games to raise money, but only twice a year
  • In North Dakota it is illegal to keep an elk in a sandbox in your backyard.
  • In Waverly you better not let your horse near the tub, since horses are prohibited from sleeping in them, as well as in the house.
  • It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.
  • It is legal to shoot an Indian on horseback, provided you are in a covered wagon.
  • State law of North Dakota prohibits serving beer and pretzels at the same time in any bar or restaurant.

    Ohio

  • According to Ohio law, it’s against the law to kill a housefly within 160 feet of a church without a license.
  • A policeman may bite a dog to quiet him. However, the reverse is not true, even if it’s a police dog.
  • Bay Village: It is illegal to walk a cow down Lake Road.
  • Bexley: The installation and usage of slot machines in outhouses is prohibited.
  • Breast feeding is not allowed in public.
  • Cars are not allowed to scare horses in Centerville, Ohio.
  • Cincinnati: Anal intercourse is banned.
  • Cleveland: It’s illegal to catch mice without a hunting license!
  • Cleveland law forbids you to operate a motor vehicle while sitting in another person’s lap.
  • In Cleveland, Ohio, women are forbidden from wearing patent leather shoes, lest men see reflections of their underwear.
  • Clinton County: Any person who leans against a public building will be subject to fines.
  • In Chillicothe, Ohio it is illegal to throw rice at weddings.
  • Columbus: It is illegal for stores to sell corn flakes on Sunday.
  • Fairview Park: It’s against the law to honk your horn “excessively”. A grandmother was fined for honking her horn twice at her neighbor. Items left on a tree lawn become city property. A young man was fined for removing an item from a tree lawn even though he had the owner’s permission.
  • Funeral jargon seems to have crept into the wording of a cemetery fee regulation in Norton, Ohio. There regular plots are $33, but “creamies” are $75.
  • In Columbus, Ohio it is illegal to sell cornflakes on Sunday.
  • In Marysville, Ohio it is illegal for a dog to urinate on a parking meter.
  • In the hippy-dippy late ’60s, Youngstown, Ohio, briefly had a law making it illegal to walk barefoot through town.
  • In ohio it is illegal to ride on the roof of a taxi cab
  • In ohio it is illegal to run out of gas
  • In Ohio women are forbidden from wearing patent leather shoes, lest men see reflections of their underwear
  • In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speaker’s stand, you can be fined $25.00.
  • In Oxford, Ohio, it’s illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man’s picture.
  • In Oxford, Ohio, it is unlawful for a woman to appear in public while unshaven. This includes legs and face.
  • In Xenia, Ohio, it’s illegal to spit in a salad bar
  • Ironton: Cross-dressing is against the law.
  • It is against the law to roller skate without notifying the police.
  • It is illegal for more than five women to live in a house.
  • It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.
  • It is illegal to get a fish drunk.
  • It is illegal to mistreat anything of great importance.
  • It is legal to throw a snake at someone but it is illegal to shake a snake at someone.
  • Items left on a tree lawn become city property. A young man was fined for removing an item from a tree lawn
  • even though he had the owner’s permission.
  • Items left on a tree lawn become city property. A young man was fined for removing an item from a tree lawn even though he had the owner’s permission.
  • It’s illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.
  • Lima: Any map that does not have Lima clearly stated on the map cannot be sold.
  • Lowell: It is unlawful to run a horse over five miles per hour.
  • Marion: You cannot eat a doughnut and walk backwards on a city street.
  • McDonald: Your goose may not paraded down Main Street.
  • No one may be arrested on Sunday or on the Fourth of July.
  • No one may be arrested on Sunday or on the Fourth of July.
  • North Canton: It is against the law to roller skate without notifying the police.
  • Owners of tigers must notify authorities within one hour if the tiger escapes.
  • Oxford: It’s illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man’s picture.
  • Participating or conducting a duel is prohibited.
  • Paulding: A policeman may bite a dog to quiet him.
  • Riding on the roof of a taxi cab is not allowed.
  • The Ohio driver’s education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car.
  • Throwing a snake at anyone is illegal.
  • Toledo: Throwing a snake at anyone is illegal.
  • Women are forbidden from wearing patent leather shoes, lest men see reflections of their underwear.
  • Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.
  • Women aren’t allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio, a man might see the reflection of something “he oughtn’t!”
  • You cannot eat a doughnut and walk backwards on a city street.
  • You may not run out of gas.
  • Youngstown: Riding on the roof of a taxi cab is not allowed. You may not run out of gas.

    Oklahoma

  • Alfalfa Bill Murray was a legendary legislator in Oklahoma around the turn of the century who became speaker of the house and governor. He was also a tall fellow, and nothing ticked him off more than going into a hotel and having short sheets on the bed. In 1908 he had a law passed that required all hotels in the Sooner state to have sheets that covered the bed and had three extra feet of linen to cover the head and feet. The so-called “Nine Foot Sheet” stayed on the books for several decades, until after Alfalfa went to his last resting place.
  • A City Ordinance in Oklahoma, states that it shall be unlawful to put any hypnotized person in a display window.
  • Ada: If you wear New York Jets clothing, you may be put in jail.
  • Anyone arrested for soliciting a hooker must have their name and picture shown on television.
  • Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings.
  • Clinton, Oklahoma has a law against masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car.
  • Clinton: Molesting an automobile is illegal.
  • Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
  • Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.
  • Fish may not be contained in fishbowls while on a public bus.
  • Harthahorne City Ordinance, Section 363, states that it shall be unlawful to put any hypnotized person in a display window.
  • If she’s not a virgin, it is okay, but the said person must be over 16. If both parties are under 18, then the law does not apply.
  • If you wear New York Jets clothing, you may be put in jail.
  • In Broken Arrow, Oklahoma pigs less than 32 inches in length may be kept as pets provided there are no more than two in a house.
  • In Bromide, Oklahoma it is illegal for children to use towels as capes and jump from houses pretending to be superman.
  • In Oklahoma… Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property. Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another’s hamburger.
  • In Oklahoma, people who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.
  • In Tulsa, Oklahoma the limit on kisses is three minutes (by law).
  • In Tulsa, Oklahoma, it is against the law to open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer.
  • It is against the law to read a comic book while operating a motor vehicle.
  • It is illegal to have sex before you are married.
  • It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots.
  • It is illegal to wear your boots to bed.
  • It’s statutory rape for a man over 18 to have sex with a female under the age of 18, provided she’s a virgin. If she’s not a virgin, it is okay, but the said person must be over 16. If both parties are under 18, then the law does not apply.
  • Molesting an automobile is illegal.
  • No one may spit on a sidewalk.
  • Oklahoma City: No one may walk backwards downtown while eating a hamburger.
  • Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another’s hamburger.
  • One may not promote a “horse tripping event”.
  • Oral sex is a misdemeanor and is punisable by one year in jail and a $2,500 fine.
  • People who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.
  • Residents are taxed for the furniture in their homes, and any other personal belongings.
  • Schulter: Women may not gamble in the nude, in lingerie, or while wearing a towel.
  • Tattoos are banned.
  • Tissues are not to be found in the back of one’s car.
  • Tulsa: You may not open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer. Elephants are not to be taken into the downtown area.
  • Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.
  • Whale hunting is strictly prohibitted throughout the entire state of Oklahoma.
  • Whaling is illegal.
  • Women may not gamble in the nude, in lingerie, or while wearing a towel.
  • Wynona: One’s mode of transportation must be tied up while not attended. Mules may not drink out of bird baths. Clothes may not be washed in bird baths.
  • Yukon: It is illegal to tie a horse in front of city hall. While passing another vehicle, you must honk your horn.

    Oregon

  • Beaverton: You must buy a $10 permit to be allowed to install a burglar alarm.
  • Canned corn is not to be used as bait for fishing.
  • Dishes must drip dry.
  • Eugene: It is illegal to show movies or attend a car race on Sundays. It is legal to conduct a horse race or a symphony concert.
  • Hood River: Juggling is strictly prohibited without a license.
  • In Oregon anyone with a bad reputation is prohibited from distributing malt beverages.
  • In Salem, Oregon, it’s illegal for patrons of establishments that feature nude dancing to be within two feet of the dancers.
  • In Willowdale, Oregon, no man may curse while having sex with his wife.
  • It is against the law for animals to have sex in the city limits.
  • It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property.
  • It is illegal to whisper “dirty” things in your lover’s ear during sex.
  • It’s against the law for a wedding ceremony to be performed at a skating rink.
  • It’s against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.
  • Just to let you guys know. there is a law in Portland, Oregon saying that it is illegal to own bolt cutters but yet they sell them in all the local hardware stores. One of our friends got pulled over for carrying a bolt cutter down the street and the police took it away from him saying it was illegal for him to have. (Reader Submitted)
  • Klamath Falls: It’s illegal to walk down a sidewalk and knock a snakes head off with your cane.
  • Marion: Ministers are forbidden from eating garlic or onions before delivering a sermon.
  • Ministers are forbidden from eating garlic or onions before delivering a sermon.
  • Myrtle Creek: One may not box with a kangaroo.
  • No more than two people may share a single drink.
  • One may not bathe without wearing “suitable clothing,” i.e., that which covers one’s body from neck to knee.
  • One may not box with a kangaroo.
  • People may not whistle underwater.
  • Portland: It’s against the law for a wedding ceremony to be performed at a skating rink. People may not whistle underwater. You cannot wear roller skates in restrooms.
  • Salem: Women may not wrestle in Salem. Springfield It is illegal to own a reptile within the city limits, unless you are a school or city, as a pet.
  • Stanfield: It is against the law for animals to have sex in the city limits. Cloth towel dispensers are banned from restrooms. No more than two people may share a single drink.
  • The “Peer Review Statute” prohibits you from finding out details of any written or oral discussion about your medical treatment. Not even a court of law can. All you can access is what the doctor or nurse voluntarily records in your chart.
  • You may not pump your own gas in service stations.
  • You must let your dishes drip dry.

    Pennsylvania

  • A person is not eligible to become Governor if he/she has participated in a duel.
  • A special cleaning ordinance bans homemakers from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.
  • All fire hydrants must be checked one hour before all fires.
  • Allentown: There is a ban on men becoming aroused in public.
  • Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.
  • Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear skittish, the motorist must take his car apart, piece by piece, and hide it under the nearest bushes.
  • By law, “watch stuffers” are unwelcome in McKeesport, Pa. Now, no one is quite sure what a watch stuffer does, but whatever he does, he better do it somewhere else.
  • Carlisle: In the middle of town, one must pay a fee of $50 dollars a year to park on a particular block. At night, however, the cars must be moved for street cleaning. This law is enforced even if snow or ice prevents the cars from being moved.
  • Connellsville: One’s pants may be worn no lower than five inches below the waist.
  • Danville: All fire hydrants must be checked one hour before all fires.
  • Dynamite is not to be used to catch fish.
  • Fireworks stores may not sell fireworks to Pennsylvania residents.
  • If a motorist sees a horse coming down the road, the driver must pull off to the side of the road and cover the vehicle with canvas. If the horse is still scared the driver must get out of his car and take it apart until the horse isn’t scared anymore.
  • In Bensalem, Pennsylvania it is illegal to race mufflerless go-karts after 6PM on Sunday.
  • In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania it is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth.
  • In Hazelton, Pennsylvania, there is a law on the books that prohibits a person from sipping a carbonated drink while lecturing students in a school auditorium.
  • In Pennsylvania, “any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.”
  • In Philadelphia, you can’t put pretzels in bags.
  • In the Mount Pocono region any group of 5 or more Native Americans are to be considered a raiding party and may be killed on the spot.
  • In York, Pennsylvania, you can’t sit down while watering your lawn with a hose.
  • It sounds like the title of a rock album or something, but “Coasting on Beaver Street” is illegal in Edgeworth, Pa.
  • It is contrary to Pennsylvania law to discharge a gun, cannon, revolver or other explosive weapon at a wedding.
  • It is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel. However up to
  • 120 men can live together, without breaking the law.
  • It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors.
  • Millville: One may not shoot any dog that is found wandering the streets. The sale of alcohol is prohibited.
  • Ministers are forbidden from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk.
  • Morrisville: It is required that a woman have a permit to wear cosmetics.
  • Motorized vehicles are not to be sold on Sundays.
  • Newtown: Every outlet or switch (which can be purchased for 59 cents) that is installed requires an electrical inspection fee of 1 dollar and 33 cents.
  • No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife.
  • No more than two packages of beer at a time may be purchased, unless you are buying from an official “beer distributor”
  • No one is allowed to sleep on a refrigerator. Stoves, dishwashers and microwave ovens are not specifically mentioned.
  • Pittsburgh: It is still illegal to bring a donkey or a mule onto a trolley car. No one is allowed to sleep on a refrigerator.
  • Ridley Park: You cannot walk backwards eating peanuts in front of the Barnstormers Auditorium during a performance.
  • Tarentum: Horses are not to be tied to parking meters.
  • The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
  • Though you do not need a fishing license to fish on your own land, but a hunting license is required to hunt on your own land.
  • Though you do not need a fishing license to fish on your own land, a hunting license is required to hunt on your own land.
  • Witchcraft was first legalized in the colony of Pennsylvania.
  • You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth.
  • You may not catch a fish with your hands.
  • You may not sing in the bathtub.

    Rhode Island

  • Any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void.
  • Exercising any labor, business, or work, or using any game, sport, play, or recreation, or causing any of the above to be done to or by your children, servants, or apprentices on the first day of the week (Sunday) results in a penalty of $5 for the first offense and $10 for the second.
  • In Providence, Rhode Island it is illegal to sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.
  • In Newport, Rhode Island it is illegal to smoke from a pipe after sunset.
  • In Scituate, Rhode Island it is illegal to keep a flock of chickens in your motorhome if you live in a trailer park.
  • Impersonating a town sealer, auctioneer, corder of wood, or a fence-viewer is against the law. Penalty: $20 to $100 fine.
  • It is considered an offense to throw pickle juice on a trolley.
  • It is illegal to challenge someone to a duel, or accept a duel, even it it is never actually fought. Penalty: Imprisonment for one to seven years.
  • It is illegal to coast downhill in your car with your transmission in neutral, or with the clutch disengaged.
  • It is illegal to place a windmill within twenty-five (25) rods of any traveled street or road.
  • It’s a misdemeanor to keep more than 11 inoperable vehicles in front of a house.
  • Professional sports, except ice polo and hockey, must obtain a license to play games on Sunday.
  • Providence There is not an appeals process for exemption of property tax due to a disability or poverty. It is illegal to wear transparent clothing. You may not sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.
  • Riding a horse over any public highway for the purpose of racing, or testing the speed of the horse is illegal. Penalty: Maximum $20 fine and imprisonment for 10 days.
  • This state still prohibits unmarried people from having sex under any circumstances. However, if caught, the lovers are both fined only 10 dollars
  • West Warwick It is illegal to use water on even-numbered days for the sole purpose of watering plants, gardens, or lawns. If you break this law there is a fine of $25-$100.
  • You may not sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.

    South Carolina

  • A railroad my not remove itself from a town of more than five hundred people.
  • All schools must prepare a suitable program for Francis Willard Day.
  • By law, if a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, the marriage must take place.
  • Charleston: It is against the law to drive a motorized vehicle on King Street. The Fire Department may blow up your house. This law was made so that the fire department could create a fire brake.
  • Dance halls may not operate on Sundays.
  • Every adult male must bring a rifle to church on Sunday in order to ward off Indian attacks.
  • Fortune tellers are required to obtain a special permit from the state.
  • Fountain Inn: Horses are to wear pants at all times.
  • Horses may not be kept in bathtubs.
  • In some church in South Carolina, every man must bring a rifle to church on Sunday to ward off Indian attacks.
  • In some town in South Carolina, it is perfectly legal for a man to beat his wife. But only if its on the courthouse steps on Sunday.
  • In South Carolina, wife beaters weren’t allowed to hold public office.
  • In South Carolina you can be fined for not denouncing “the evils of intemperance” on the fourth Friday of every October.
  • It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide.
  • It is considered an offense to get a tattoo.
  • It is illegal to communicate with a woman using obscene messages.
  • It is illegal to display a confederate flag on a courthouse.
  • It is illegal to give or receive oral sex.
  • It is illegal to sell any alcoholic beverages on Sunday, unless you own a private club.
  • It is legal to beat your wife on a Sunday morning on the steps of the state house.
  • It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays.
  • Lancaster County: It is illegal to dance in public.
  • Merchandise may not be sold within a half mile of a church unless fruit is being sold.
  • Musical instruments may not be sold on Sunday.
  • No work may be done on Sunday. An exception is that light bulbs may be sold.
  • On Hilton Head Island, South Carolina it is illegal to shine a flashlight on a sea turtle
  • Performing a U-turn within 1,000 feet of an intersection is illegal.
  • Railroad companies may be held liable in some instances for scaring horses.
  • Spartanburg: Eating watermelons in the Magnolia Street cemetery is forbidden.
  • When approaching a four way or blind intersection in a non-horse driven vehicle you must stop 100 ft from the intersection and discharge a firearm into the air to warn horse traffic.

    South Dakota

  • If there are more than 5 Native Americans on your property you may shoot them.
  • In hotels in Sioux Falls, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it’s illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!
  • In South Dakota no horses are allowed into Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants.
  • In South Dakota it is illegal to try to convince a pacifist to renounce his beliefs by threatening to arm-wrestle him.
  • It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.
  • Movies that show police officers being struck, beaten, or treated in an offensive manner are forbidden.
  • No horses are allowed into Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants.
  • Spearfish: If three or more Indians are walking down the street together, they can be considered a war party and fired upon.

    Tennessee

  • “Crimes against nature” are prohibited.
  • Any person crippling, killing or in any way destroying a proud bitch that is running at large shall not be held liable for the damages due to such killing or destruction.
  • Driving is not to be done while asleep.
  • Dyersburg: It is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date.
  • Fayette County: You may not have more than five inoperable vehicles on a piece of property.
  • Giving and receiving oral sex is still prohibited by law.
  • Hollow logs may not be sold.
  • In Jonesboro, Tenn., a slingshot used to be classified by law as a deadly weapon.
  • In Memphis, it is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it, waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.
  • In Tennessee hollow logs may not be sold.
  • In Tennessee it is illegal to use a lasso to catch fish.
  • It is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date.
  • It is illegal to catch a fish with a lasso.
  • It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish.
  • It is legal to gather and consume road kill
  • It’s illegal for frogs to croak after 11 PM.
  • Knoxville: In front of their buildings, all businesses must have a “hitching post.”
  • Lenoir City: When you pull up to a stop sign you must fire a gun out the window to warn horse carriages that you are coming.
  • Lexington: No one may eat ice cream on the sidewalk. Spitting on the sidewalk is prohibited.
  • Memphis: Illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians. It’s illegal for frogs to croak after 11 PM. Panhandlers must first obtain a $10 permit before begging on the streets of downtown Memphis. It is illegal to give any pie to fellow diners. It is also illegal to take unfinished pie home. All pie must be eaten on the premises.
  • More than 8 women may not live in the same house because that would constitute a brothel.
  • Nashville: Males may not be sexually aroused in public.
  • Stealing a horse is punishable by hanging.
  • The age of consent is 16, but 12 if the girl is a virgin.
  • You can’t shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile. Oneida: An ordinance forbids anyone to sing the song “It Ain’t Goin’ To Rain No Mo’.”

    Texas

  • A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.
  • A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
  • Abilene: It is illegal to idle or loiter anyplace within the corporate limits of the city for the purpose of flirting or mashing.
  • Austin: Wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket.
  • Beaumont: Collegiate football is banned at Lamar University.
  • Borger: It is against the law to throw confetti, rubber balls, feather dusters, whips or quirts (riding crop), and explosive firecrackers of any kind.
  • Clarendon: It is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster.
  • Dallas: It’s illegal to possess realistic dildos.
  • El Paso: Churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots, and saloons are required to provide spittoons “of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them.”
  • Galveston: It is illegal to drive a motor car down Broadway before noon on Sundays.
  • Houston: Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday. It is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday.
  • If two trains going in opposite directions on the same track meet each other, one can’t move until the other does.
  • If you went to church in Texas years back, you’d better be recognized. An old law made it illegal to go to church in disguise.
  • In Alamo a person found intoxicated must be given a large dose of castor oil by a local doctor…and failure to gulp it down will result in a fine.
  • In Corpus Christie it is illegal to raise alligators in your home.
  • In Dallas County it is illegal to own any realistic looking, phallic shaped, personal massager more than one foot in length.
  • In Houston you cannot buy beer after midnight on Sunday, but you can buy it on Monday.
  • In Kingsville, there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city’s airport property.
  • In Lefors, Texas it is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer at any time while standing.
  • In Mesquite, Texas it is illegal for kids to have unusual haircuts.
  • In Texas criminals are required to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
  • In Texas it’s legal for a chicken to have sex with you, but it’s illegal to reciprocate.
  • It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
  • It is illegal to carry a pair of wire-cutters in your back pocket.
  • It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don’t need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.
  • It is illegal for a person to shoot a buffalo from the second story of their hotel.
  • It is illegal to have an open container in a car.
  • It is illegal to have anything protruding from your bumper unless it is attached with a chain
  • It is illegal to milk another person’s cow.
  • It is illegal to spit on the sidewalk.
  • It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
  • It is illegal to urinate on the Alamo.
  • It is legal for a husband to beat his wife as long as he uses something no bigger than his thumb.
  • It is legal for the blind to go hunting as long as they have someone with them who isn’t blind.
  • It is legal to commit a homicide as long as you tell the person when, and how you are going to kill them.
  • It is Texas law that when two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
  • In San Antonio, Texas, you can’t honk a horn, run a generator, have a revival meeting or do anything else that disturbs the neighborhood and the city has a four-member noise police squad to enforce the law.
  • In Texas any artificial constructed underwater barrier reefs must come with an instruction booklet.
  • In Texas, sixteen-year old divorced girls are prohibited from talking about sex during high school extracurricular activities.
  • It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer.
  • Jasper: Dogs must be on a leash at ALL times. Fine of 100 dollars.
  • LeFors: It is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer while standing.
  • Lubbock County: It is illegal to drive within an arm’s length of alcohol – including alcohol in someone else’s blood stream.
  • Mesquite: It is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts.
  • Port Arthur: Obnoxious odors may not be emitted while in an elevator.
  • Richardson: It is now illegal to place a “for sale” sign on a car if it visible from the street. It is illegal to do “U Turns”.
  • San Antonio: It is illegal for both sexes to flirt or respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands.
  • Temple: No one may ride a horse and buggy through the town square. You can ride your horse in the saloon. Cattle thieves may be hanged on the spot.
  • Texarkana: Owners of horses may not ride them at night without tail lights.
  • Texas law forbids anyone to have a pair of pliers in his possession.
  • Texas state law prohibits taking more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
  • The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
  • There is an old law in Texas that states you are unable to tuck your pants into one boot unless you own ten or more cattle.
  • When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
  • You can be legally married by publicly introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times.

    Utah

  • A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence.
  • A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance.
  • A Utah legislator proposed a resolution urging that each TV weather person be required to provide an ice cream cone to every member of the state House of Representatives whenever the forecast was wrong. The resolution failed, perhaps on First Amendment grounds.
  • In addition to normal charges, the woman’s name will be published in the local newspaper.The man does not receive any punishment.
  • Birds have the right of way on all highways.
  • In Monroe, daylight must be visible between partners on a dance floor.
  • In Utah it is illegal to fish from horseback.
  • In Utah, the husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence.
  • In Utah when a person reaches the age of 50, he/she can then marry their cousin.
  • It is against the law to fish from horseback.
  • It is considered an offense to hunt whales.
  • It is illegal not to drink milk.
  • It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon. You can have them, but you just can’t detonate them.
  • It’s legal for restaurants to serve wine with meals, but only if you ask for the wine list.
  • Kaysville: You must have identification to enter a convenience store after dark.
  • Logan: Women may not swear.
  • Monroe: Daylight must be visible between partners on a dance floor.
  • No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it is responding to an emergency call.
  • No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and “her name is to be published in the local newspaper.” The man isn’t charged nor is his name revealed.
  • Provo: Throwing snowballs will result in a $50 fine.
  • Salt Lake City: No one may walk down the street carrying a paper bag containing a violin.
  • The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms (BAFT) bans the word “refreshing” to describe any alcohol beverage.
  • Throwing snowballs will result in a $50 fine.
  • Tremonton: It is illegal to have sex in a moving ambulance and if you are caught, the guy is let go and the woman is punished and her name appears in the newspaper.
  • Trout Creek: Pharmacists may not sell gunpowder to cure headaches.
  • When a person reaches the age of 50, he/she can then marry their cousin.
  • You’re not allowed to sell beverages containing more than 3.2% alcohol.

    Vermont

  • As in most dairy states, Vermont does what it can to discourage the use of margarine. For example, it’s illegal to use colored margarine in restaurants unless the menu indicates you do–in letters two inches high. Colored margarine can only be served in triangle shaped patties.
  • At one time it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.
  • Barre All residents shall bathe every Saturday night.
  • Call a Vermont court a “kangaroo court” or some similar moniker, and you might be looking at a $200 fine. It is illegal to defame a court.
  • In Vermont It’s against the law (not to mention impossible) to whistle under water.
  • In Vermont it is illegal to paint landscapes in times of war.
  • In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.
  • It is illegal to deny the existence of God
  • It’s against the law in Vermont for vagrants to procure food by force. Apparently if you have a good job and stable home life, it’s O.K. to procure food by force.
  • Lawmakers made it obligatory for everybody to take at least one bath each week- – on Saturday night.
  • Whistling underwater is illegal
  • Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.

    Virginia

  • An old Virginia law was titled, “An Act to Prevent Corrupt Practices or Bribery by Any Person Other Than a Candidate.”
  • As in many towns, you need a permit to run a barbershop in Christiansburg, Va. But the wording of the town’s law indicates that the permit will be revoked if you’re caught operating without a permit.
  • A Virginia law requires all bathtubs to be kept out in the yards, not inside the houses.
  • Children are not to go trick-or-treating on Halloween.
  • Citizens must honk their horn while passing other cars.
  • Culpeper: No one may wash a mule on the sidewalk.
  • Dayton: A person of color may not be outside or within the city limits after 7 pm.
  • Driving while not wearing shoes is prohibited.
  • If one is not married, it is illegal for him to have sexual relations.
  • If you are intoxicated but not driving your car, but the person who is driving your car is intoxicated, both you and the driver can be charged with DUI in Virginia Beach, Virginia.
  • In Christiansburg, Va., it’s illegal to imitate a police whistle.
  • In Christiansburg, Va., it’s illegal to “spit, expectorate or deposit any sputum, saliva or any form of saliva or sputum.”
  • In Newport it’s against the law to tickle a girl under her chin with a feather duster in order to get her attention.
  • In Norfolk a woman can’t go out without wearing a corset.
  • In Radford, VA you are not allowed to spit, loogie, puke or urinate on the streets.
  • In Richmond, Va., you must buy a license for 93 cents to sell song books on the street.
  • In Richmond, Virginia it is illegal to flip a coin in any eating establishment to determine who buys a cup of coffee.
  • It is illegal to sell peanut brittle on Sundays.
  • It is illegal to spit on sidewalk.
  • It is illegal to tickle women.
  • Lebanon: It is illegal to kick your wife out of bed.
  • Norfolk: Spitting on a sea gull is not tolerated. A man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman’s derriere. Women must wear a corset after sundown and be in the company of male chaperone.
  • Not only is it illegal to have sex with the lights on, one may not have sex in any position other than missionary.
  • Perhaps anticipating telemarketing, the town fathers of Albany, Va., have for years prohibited peddlers from using the telephone to either sell things or raise funds.
  • Police radar detectors are illegal.
  • Richmond: It is illegal to flip a coin in a restaurant to see who pays for a coffee.
  • Stafford County: It is legal for a man to beat his wife on the courthouse steps so long as it is before 8:00 pm.
  • Swearing at someone over the phone in virginia is punishable by a $100 fine.
  • There is a state law prohibiting “corrupt practices of bribery by any person other than candidates.”
  • There was once a law in Salem Virginia that made it illegal to leave home without knowing where you were going.
  • Victoria: It is illegal to skate down the sidewalk of Main Street.
  • Virginia Beach: If you are drunk and not driving your car, and the person who is driving the car is drunk as well, you may both receive DUI’s. It is illegal for a person to ride on the handlebars of a bike. It is illegal to use profanity on Atlantic Avenue or the boardwalk. It is also unlawful to drive by the same place within 30 minutes on Atlantic Avenue.
  • Waynesboro: It is illegal for a woman to drive a car up Main Street unless her husband is walking in front of the car waving a red flag.
  • You cannot buy hardware of any kind on Sunday.
  • You cannot sell lettuce on Sunday, but you can sell beer, wine etc.
  • You may not have oral or anal sex.
  • You may not work on Sunday.

    Washington

  • “It shall be unlawful for a candidate for office or for nomination thereto whose name appears upon the ballot at any election to give to or purchase for another person, not a member of his or her family, any liquor in or upon any premises licensed by the state for the sale of any such liquor by the drink during the hours that the polls are open on the day of such election.”
  • A law to reduce crime states: “It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town.”
  • All lollipops are banned.
  • All motor vehicles must be preceded by a man carrying a red flag (daytime) or a red lantern (nighttime) fifty feet in front of said vehicle.
  • An old Washington law sent duelists to jail for ten years, assuming they didn’t lose the duel.
  • A proposed Washington law protects sports referees from civil suit unless their actions were “willful, wanton, reckless, malicious or grossly negligent.”
  • Auburn: Men who deflower virgins, regardless of age or marital status, may face up to five years in jail.
  • A Washington state law offers the presumption that youngsters will read comic books.
  • Bremerton: You may not shuck peanuts on the street.
  • Everett: It is illegal to display a hypnotized or allegedly hypnotized person in a store window. If the honey you are eating in Seattle is a blend of honey from or more types of flowers, it’s illegal for the honey to be labeled as having come from one type of flower.
  • In Electric City, WA, it is illegal to “keep[ ] or permit[ ] to remain, in any location . . . anything whatsoever in which flies or rats may breed or multiply.”
  • In Olympia, Wash., minors are prohibited from frequenting pool halls.
  • In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.
  • In Spokane, Wash., it used to be illegal to interrupt a religious meeting by having a horse race.
  • In the state of Washington, there is a law against having sex with a virgin under any circumstances.
  • In the state of Washington it’s illegal to catch a fish by throwing a rock at it.
  • In Washington state it’s illegal for a candidate to buy anyone a drink on Election Day.
  • In Washington state it’s illegal to sleep in an outhouse without the owner’s permission.
  • In Washington state it’s illegal to sell to minors comics that might incite them to violence or depraved or immoral acts.
  • In Washington it’s illegal to pretend you’re the child of a rich person and entitled to his estate.
  • In Washington, anyone under the age of 18 must have parental permission to throw a tear gas canister.
  • In Washington state, until quite recently, you could have been fined up to $500 for removing or defacing the label on a pillow.
  • It is illegal to deflower a virgin even on their wedding day.
  • It is illegal to paint polka dots on the American flag.
  • It is illegal to pretend that one’s parents are rich.
  • It’s illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse.
  • Lynden: Dancing and drinking may not occur at the same establishment.
  • People may not buy a mattress on Sunday.
  • Seattle: You may not carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length. Women who sit on men’s laps on buses or trains without placing a pillow between them face an automatic six-month jail term. No one may set fire to another person’s property without prior permission. It is illegal to carry a fishbowl or aquarium onto a bus
  • because the sound of the water sloshing may disturb other passengers.
  • Spokane: TV’s may not be bought on Sundays.
  • The state of Washington doesn’t allow marathon dancing–or marathon skipping, sliding, gliding, rolling or crawling.
  • There is/was a law on the books in Washington state that stated that a motorcar driven at night must be preceded by something like 100 yards by a man carrying a lantern.
  • Under the law of the state of Washington, any restroom with pay toilets has to have an equal number of free toilets. This law came to pass after the speaker of the state House of Representatives raced to an all-pay facility without a dime.
  • Waldron Island: No structure shall contain more than two toilets that use potable water for flushing.
  • Washington state doesn’t allow fake wrestling.
  • When two trains come to a crossing, neither shall go until the other has passed.
  • Wilbur: You may not ride an ugly horse.
  • You are not allowed to breast feed in public.
  • You need a license to sell condoms in Washington state.

    West Virginia

  • According to the state constitution, it is unlawful for anyone to own a red or a black flag.
  • Alderson: One may not walk a lion, tiger or leopard, even on a leash.
  • A person may not hold public office if they have ever taken part in a duel. A person may be jailed for up to six months for making fun of someone who does not accept a challenge.
  • Doctors and dentists may not place a woman under anesthesia unless a third person is present.
  • Huntington: Firemen may not whistle or flirt at any woman passing a firehouse. It is legal to beat your wife so long as it is done in public on Sunday, on the courthouse steps.
  • If you wear a hat inside a theater, you may be fined.
  • In Alderson, West Virginia, it is illegal to walk a lion, tiger or leopard in the city limits, even it is on a leash.
  • In Nicholas County, W. Va., no member of the clergy is allowed to tell jokes or humerous stories from the pulpit during a church service.
  • In West Virginia it is illegal to dig for ginseng on your neighbor’s lawn without their permission.
  • In West Virginia, it is legal for one to take roadkill home for dinner
  • In West Virginia you cannot fly a red flag in front of your house if you are disappointed in your sherrif.
  • It is against the law for men to have sex with any animal over 40 pounds in weight.
  • It is illegal to put an ice cream cone in your pocket on Sundays.
  • It is illegal to snooze on a train.
  • It is illegal to spit on any sidewalk which women may walk down.
  • It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs.
  • It is unlawful for chickens to lay eggs before 8AM and after 4PM.
  • Nicholas County: No member of the clergy is allowed to tell jokes or humorous stories from the pulpit during a church service.
  • No children may attend school with their breath smelling of “wild onions.”
  • Road Kill may be taken home for supper.
  • When a railroad passes within 1 mile of a community of 100 or more people in it, they must build a station and stop there regularly to pick up and drop off passengers.
  • Whistling underwater is prohibited.

    Wisconsin

  • As people used to smuggle it in from Illinois, all yellow butter substitute is banned.
  • At one time, margarine was illegal.
  • A Wisconsin legislator in the 1970s proposed a law providing that no woman over 21 be required to divulge her age. If age information were required by law, women could use an alphabetic code: women in their ’20s would use
  • A Wisconsin legislator recently introduced a bill making it illegal to tattoo someone under the age of 18. He was quoted as saying, “I’m going to save the buttocks of a few juveniles.”
  • Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons.
  • Car dealerships cannot sell cars on Sunday.
  • Cheese making requires a cheese maker’s license; Limburger cheese making requires a master cheese maker’s license.
  • Citizens may not murder their enemies.
  • Condoms were considered an obscene article and had to hidden behind the pharmacist’s counter.
  • In Connorsville, Wisconsin no man shall shoot off a gun while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm.
  • In St. Croix, women are not allowed to wear anything red in public.
  • In Wisconsin you are allowed to marry your house.
  • In Wisconsin you need a cheesemaker’s license to make any kind of cheese, except Limburger. To make Limburger, you need a master cheesemaker’s license.
  • In Wisconsin, after 3:00 a.m., you have to send a rocket signal in the air after every mile you drive.
  • In Wisconsin, it is illegal to cut a woman’s hair or to kiss on a train.
  • It is illegal to cut a woman’s hair.
  • It is illegal to display an unclothed mannequin in a store window.
  • It is illegal to kiss on a train.
  • It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep.
  • Kenosha: No male is allowed to be in a state of arousal in public.
  • La Crosse: It is illegal to tie up your horse along Third Street (Now a major bar strip). It is illegal to display an unclothed mannequin in a store window. It is illegal to play checkers in public. You cannot “worry a squirrel.”
  • Milwaukee: An old ordinance forbids parking for over two hours unless a horse is tied to the car. It is against the law to play a flute and drums on the streets to attract attention. If one is thought of as offensive looking, it is illegal for him to be in public during the day. It is illegal to purchase or use Sparklers in the city, yet you can buy fully disassembled automatic machine guns.
  • Next time you start a riot in Wisconsin remember that it i illegal to use a laser pointer to do so.
  • Racine: It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep. Women may not walk down a public street at night without being accompanied by a man.
  • St. Croix: Women are not allowed to wear anything red in public.
  • State Law made it illegal to serve apple pie in public restaurants without cheese.
  • Whenever two trains meet at an intersection of said tracks, neither shall proceed until the other has.
  • While all cheese making requires a license, Limburger cheese making requires a master cheese maker’s license.
  • Wisconsin law provides for a fine of $2 to $20 for anyone under age 17 caught jumping onto a railroad car while the train is in motion.
  • You must manually flush all urinals in a building.

    Wyoming

  • An ordinance in Newcastle specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store’s walk-in meat freezer!
  • Cheyenne Citizens may not take showers on Wednesdays.
  • In Wyoming it is illegal to tattoo a horse with the intent of making it unrecognizable to its owner.
  • It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking.
  • It is illegal to wear a hat that obstructs people’s view in a public theater or place of amusement.
  • Wyoming required that every inmate of the state’s training school for girls be issued crinoline bloomers.
  • You may not take a picture of a rabbit during the month of June.

    • Some more here:

    In Texas, it’s against the law for anyone to have a pair of pliers in his or her possession.

    In Philadelphia, you can’t put pretzels in bags based on an Act of 1760.

    Alaska law says that you can’t look at a moose from an airplane.

    In Corpus Christie, Texas, it is illegal to raise alligators in your home.

    In Miami, it is forbidden to imitate an animal.

    It is against the law to mispronounce the name of the State of Arkansas in that State.

    In Illinois, the law is that a car must be driven with the steering wheel.

    California law prohibits a woman from driving a car while dressed in a housecoat.

    In Memphis, Tennessee, a woman is not to drive a car unless a man warns approaching motorists or pedestrians by walking in front of the car that is being driven.

    In Tennessee, it is against the law to drive a car while sleeping.

    In New York, it is against the law for a blind person to drive an automobile.

    In West Virginia, only babies can ride in a baby carriage.

    In Georgia, it is against the law to slap a man on the back or front.

    A barber is not to advertise prices in the State of Georgia.

    In Louisiana, a bill was introduced years ago in the State House of Representatives that fixed a ceiling on haircuts for bald men of 25 cents.

    In Oklahoma, no baseball team can hit the ball over the fence or out of a ballpark.

    In Kentucky, it’s the law that a person must take a bath once a year.

    In Utah, birds have the right of way on any public highway.

    In Ohio, one must have a license to keep a bear.

    In Tennessee, a law exists which prohibits the sale of bologna (sandwich meat) on Sunday.

    In Virginia, the Code of 1930 has a statute which prohibits corrupt practices or bribery by any person other than political candidates.

    In Providence, Rhode Island, it is against the law to jump off a bridge.

    In the State of Kansas, you’re not allowed to drive a buffalo through a street.

    In Florida, it is against the law to put livestock on a school bus.

    In New Jersey, cabbage can’t be sold on Sunday.

    In North Carolina, it is against the law for dogs and cats to fight.

    In Singapore, it is illegal to chew gum.

    In Cleveland, Ohio, it is unlawful to leave chewing gum in public places.

    In Virginia, chickens cannot lay eggs before 8:00 a.m., and must be done before 4:00 p.m.

    In New York, it is against the law for children to pick up or collect cigarette and cigar butts.

    In Massachusetts, it is against the law to put tomatos in clam chowder.

    In Washington State, you can’t carry a concealed weapon that is over 6 feet in length.

    In San Francisco, there is an ordinance, which bans the picking up and throwing of used confetti.

    In Kentucky, it is illegal for a merchant to force a person into his place of business for the purpose of making a sale.

    It is against the law in Connecticut for a man to write love letters to a girl whose mother or father has forbidden the relationship.

    In Michigan, married couples must live together or be imprisoned.

    In Phoenix, Arizona, you can’t walk through a hotel lobby with spurs on.

    In California, a law created in 1925 makes it illegal to wiggle while dancing.

    In Utah, daylight must be visible between dancing couples.

    In Michigan, it is against the law for a lady to lift her skirt more than 6 inches while walking through a mud puddle.

    In North Carolina, it is against the law for a rabbit to race down the street.

    In Georgia, it’s against the law to spread a false rumor.

    In West Virginia, one can’t cook sauerkraut or cabbage due to the odors and the offence is subject to imprisonment.

    In Missouri, a man must have a permit to shave.

    The law states that more than 3000 sheep cannot be herded down Hollywood Blvd. at any one time.

    In Texas, it is still a “hanging offense” to steal cattle.

    Comments (3)

    Logos and their Meanings

    December 28, 2006 at 11:24 am · Filed under Bizarre news

    Ever wondered what company logos mean and whats the significance behind them? Wonder no more!

    Amazon

    You might think the arrow does nothing here. But it says that amazon.com has everything from a to z and it also represents the smile brought to
    the customer’s face. Wow, that is quite deep.

    Eighty20

    Eighty-20 is a small consulting company which does sophisticated financial modeling, as well as some solid database work. All their work is highly quantitative and relies on some serious computational power, and the logo is meant to convey it.

    People first guess that 20% of the squares are darkened, but that turns out to be false after counting them. The trick is to view the dark squares as 1’s and the light squares as 0’s. Then the top line reads 1010000 and the bottom line reads 0010100, which represent 80 and 20 in binary.

    Kinda like the surreal green screen of The Matrix, they want us to read stuff in binary
    FedEx

    Am not sure how many of you have noticed a hidden symbol in the Federal Express logo.
    Yeah, I am talking about the ‘arrow’ that you can see between the E and the x in this logo. The arrow was introduced to underscore speed and precision, which are part of the positioning of the company.

    IBM

    This was a logo designed in-house for some internal event at IBM. I like that they are quite relaxed about the logo, unlike certain other companies who do not like the logo to be tampered with in any way even for internal promotions

    SUN

    The SUN Microsystems logo is a wonderful example of symmetry and order. It was a brilliant observation that the letters u and n while arranged adjacent to each other look a lot like the letter S in a perpendicular direction. Spectacular.

    Families Marriage

    The above are two magazines from the Readers Digest stable. Again, the attempt to communicate what it is about quite figuratively through the logo catches my attention.

    Cluenatic

    This was a logo created for a puzzle game called Cluenatic. This game involves unravelling four clues. The logo has the letters C, L, U and E arranged as a maze. and from a distance, the logo looks like a key

    Eight

    This logo is too good. For the name Eight, they have used a font in which each letter is a minor adaptation of the number 8.

    Comments (1)

    35 most outrageous fees (and how to avoid them)

    December 28, 2006 at 10:28 am · Filed under Bizarre news

    From the merely annoying to the budget-busters, here’s what to watch out for in travel, banking, credit cards, real estate, investments and more.

    1. Airlines: Paper tickets
    What it is You remember actual airline tickets, don’t you? If you aren’t comfortable with an electronic flight record, you’ll pay a steep price for an old-fashioned paper version.

    What’s so bad The paper-ticket fee is all about forcing you to go electronic, thus saving the airlines money.

    Ouch! $75 at United; $50 at American, Continental, Northwest and US Airways; $45 at Virgin Atlantic.

    What you can do Embrace change. When airlines routinely let you use a ticket on another airline if your flight was canceled, carrying a paper ticket was the safest bet. Today, flights are so full you probably won’t be able to get on another carrier. Plus, most major airlines have e-ticket agreements with competitors, so there’s no drawback to going paperless.

    2. Airlines: Talking to a person
    What it is Call to book a flight or redeem your miles, or stop by the airport counter, and you could pay an extra $5 to $20.

    What’s so bad Another coercive fee to keep you online. “It’s like being charged to see a teller,” says Chris McGinnis, editor of Expedia’s Travel Trendwatch newsletter.

    Ouch! United charges $15 to book by phone and $20 in person. You’ll pay $20 at a Northwest counter. American, Continental and United all charge you $15 to reserve a ticket with miles by phone.

    What you can do Learn to love online booking, or stick with more people-friendly airlines like JetBlue and Southwest.

    3. Changing your flight
    What it is A high fee to rebook your flight if your plans change

    What’s so bad The top fee has doubled over the past few years.

    Ouch! $175-$250 (depending on class of service) at Virgin Atlantic; $100 at American, Continental, United and US Airways

    What you can do Pay more for a refundable ticket or fly on low-cost airlines. JetBlue charges $25 to $30. Southwest lets you change your flight for free.

    4. Airlines: Reserving an aisle seat
    What it is A fee to snag a coveted seat

    What’s so bad How many ways can an airline nickel-and-dime you? Next up: $5 to use the bathroom?

    Ouch! $75 at Virgin Atlantic for an exit row seat in Economy class; $15 at Northwest for some exit rows and aisle seats.

    What you can do Book early, fly another airline or be prepared to be squished.

    *Correction: An earlier version of this article posted on Tuesday incorrectly stated that Northwest was the only airline to charge this type of fee. We regret the error.

    5. Overpacking
    What it is Check a third bag or surpass the 50-pounds-a-bag limit, and you’ll pay.

    What’s so bad Just when you’re being forced to check more luggage, the airlines are cracking down on weight.

    Ouch! An extra bag can cost you as much as $185 at American, $180 at Continental. Overweight-bag fees hit $100 at Delta. At Virgin Atlantic, you’ll be charged $50-$200 (depending on your ticket price).

    What you can do Distribute your stuff among your bags evenly (two 49- pound bags are okay). FedEx your luggage.

    6. Car rental: Insurance
    What it is One of the most confusing rental-car add-ons, insurance is optional in most states. Where mandatory, it’s built into the basic cost.

    What’s so bad You probably don’t need it. Most car insurance policies cover your rental. Some credit cards do, too.

    Ouch! Collision damage costs $10 to $35 a day. You will also be barraged with options like personal accident or personal effects coverage at $3 to $6 a day, or supplemental liability insurance at $8 to $15 a day.

    What you can do Check your existing policy or call your credit-card company to make sure you’re comfortable with the coverage you have. Then ignore the sales pitch at the rental counter.

    7. Car rental: Excise taxes
    What it is Want to build a new stadium? Have out-of-towners pay for it! The most annoying car-rental fee might be the one you pay to support a project you’ll only drive by. Excise taxes typically add 2% to 5% to your bill.

    What’s so bad You’re a captive visitor: You can’t fight the fees (either in the voting booth or at the rental counter). And you likely won’t benefit from them.

    Ouch! Boston, Kansas City and Seattle give renters the biggest sticker shock: According to a 2006 Travelocity study, those three airports have the largest difference between base rate and total price because of taxes.

    What you can do Rent off-airport. Travelocity found that taxes are dramatically lower at neighborhood car-rental locations, which often provide free shuttle service.

    8-12: Hotel fees
    Most travelers know that the mini-bar is nothing but a fee trap. But a $6 Snickers bar is a sweet deal compared with a $30 resort fee. The hotel industry raked in $1.6 billion in fees in 2006, according to PricewaterhouseCoopers.

    Yet predicting what you’ll pay can be hard because chains often don’t have an across-the-board fee policy. “You could be in the same city, in a different hotel of the same brand, and still pay different fees,” says Bjorn Hanson of PricewaterhouseCoopers.

    Your best defense? Ask about extra charges before you book. You’ll have the most leverage before you promise a hotel your business. Among the biggest outrages in PricewaterhouseCoopers’ latest survey:

    8. Internet connection fee $9.95: a day. Mid-price hotels tend to offer free Net access to lure business travelers. High-end hotels are more likely to levy this one.

    9. Resort fee $10 to $30: You might be charged this even if you never dip a toe in the pool or break a sweat on the treadmill.

    10. Automatic gratuities: Just in case you neglect to tip the bellboy or maid

    11. Package delivery fees: $5 for the hotel to accept a FedEx package for you

    12. Mini-bar restocking: $10 on top of what you pay for the junk food and liquor

    13-17: Phone surcharges
    The good news: In 2006 the government ended a 3% tax on long-distance service, and you can claim a credit for back fees on your tax return this year. The bad news: For the most part, you’re stuck with the rest, like these outrages identified by the Telecommunications Research and Action Center, a Washington, D.C. consumer group:

    13. Carrier cost recovery fee: You pay an extra $1.25 (at MCI/Verizon) to $1.99 (AT&T) any month you make a state-to-state or international long-distance call.

    14. AT&T’s tax-related surcharge: A percentage of your total state-to-state and international charges. You could pay 0.7% of your calls or up to $1.99 a month, depending on your plan.

    15. Property tax surcharge: Subscribers on old MCI plans pay an extra fee of 2.5% on state-to-state and international charges.

    What you can do Cut off any phone lines you aren’t using. You’ll pay many of these fees on your wireless plan too, but at least you won’t pay twice.

    Of course, your wireless plan has two outrageous fees you likely can’t avoid:
    16. Activation fee: $35 for a new plan
    17. Cancellation penalty: $175 to $200 for getting out early

    18. Gift-card activation fee
    What it is You might pick a gift card from a bank over a store card because it’s good anywhere. Trouble is, you’ll pay $4 to $10 to “activate” the card. Then, after as few as six months, the card’s value could go down $2 to $3 a month because of dormancy or maintenance fees.

    What’s so bad What’s left of your gift?

    Ouch! The Good2Go Prepaid MasterCard has a $9.95 activation fee. The iCard Visa Gift Card carries a $25 fee every six months, which is waived for the first six months.

    What you can do Most store gift cards are fee-free and don’t expire. Pick one from a retailer like Target and the recipient will have lots of choices. If you still want a go-anywhere card, Discover’s gift card costs only $3.95.

    19. Junk closing costs
    What it is A mystery closing cost like a “processing fee,” “document preparation fee,” “administrative fee,” “messenger fee” or “document review fee”

    What’s so bad The fees sound legit (a document is being prepared, after all), but many are simply padding the lender’s bottom line, says Jack Guttentag, a mortgage expert who runs mtgprofessor.com. With so many fee names, you can’t always tell what’s what.

    Ouch! Although lenders must give you a “good-faith estimate” of loan costs within three days of receiving your application, they don’t have to stick to it. Junk fees can total a few hundred to several thousand dollars.

    What you can do Ask a pro to review your good-faith estimate. For $45, the National Mortgage Complaint Center (866-714-6466 ) will look it over and alert you to excessive or bogus fees. Some lenders, such as Amerisave and E-Loan, quote one figure that includes all fees and points, allowing you to shop according to the bottom line.

    20. Title insurance
    What it is The policy you must buy every time you get a new mortgage

    What’s so bad Technology has brought down the cost of ownership searches, but the cost of title insurance has barely declined. Regulators have increasingly questioned whether industry marketing practices get in the way of competitive pricing.

    Ouch! Title insurance costs as much as $1,100, or an average of $800.

    What you can do Don’t just accept a referral from your broker; shop among insurers in your area.

    21. Biweekly payment fee
    What it is To set up biweekly mortgage payments, you pay a few hundred dollars up front and then $10 or so a month.

    What’s so bad You can do the same thing on your own for nothing.

    Ouch! Companies hold the extra payments, earn interest on the cash all year and then send in the additional money at year-end.

    What you can do Add an extra 1/12 to your mortgage payment each month. That’s one extra payment a year – the same as with biweekly payments but without the fees.

    22. ATM fees
    What it is What you pay to use an ATM at another bank. Your bank may charge you for going out of its network (typically $1.25), and the ATM owner likely slaps on a surcharge, too – $1.64 on average vs. $1.08 in 1998, according to Bankrate.com.

    What’s so bad That’s about a 50% rise. Plus, 98% of banks collect surcharges. The American Bankers Association contends that ATM fees make it possible to put an ATM on every corner. Consumer advocates see an easy source of revenue – and a way for large banks with the most ATMs to hoard customers. While your bank may not charge you for going out of network, you often need a large balance to get the break.

    Ouch! Fifth Third Bank charges non-customers $2.50 at its ATMs, the highest fee in Bankrate.com’s latest checking survey.

    What to do! If your bank’s ATM is out of reach, ask for cash back when you make a debit-card purchase; it generally costs nothing.

    23. Monthly service fee
    What it is The fee for dipping below the minimum on an interest checking account

    What’s so bad You have to keep more money in an interest checking account to avoid a fee ($2,660 today vs. $2,435 in 2001), while the average rate has dropped (from 0.97% in ‘01 to a pitiful 0.34%).

    Ouch! Washington Mutual typically requires a $10,000 balance to avoid a $13 monthly fee. With the account paying only 0.15% today, you could lose money.

    What you can do Don’t tie up so much cash for so little. You may qualify for free checking if you sign up for direct deposit or pay bills online. You typically need little more than $200 to get a free non-interest checking account. That is one good reason to save yourself from the vicious cycle of interest.

    24. Bad-deposit fee
    What it is What you pay if you deposit a check that bounces

    What’s so bad It’s not your mistake!

    Ouch! The fee at most big banks is $10.

    What you can do If you suspect a check isn’t good, try cashing it at the bank where it was issued – or at least call first. Or choose a bank where fees are not quite so high. Bank of America docks you for only $5 on domestic checks.

    25. Foreign-currency fee

    What it is When you pay with a credit card overseas or take money out of an ATM, your bank tacks on a foreign-transaction fee.

    What’s so bad The fee has skyrocketed. A few years ago, you often paid only the 1% that Visa and MasterCard impose.

    Ouch! Chase collects $3 for each ATM withdrawal plus 3%. Bank of America, Chase, Citibank and Wells Fargo charge 3% on debit and credit.

    What you can do You typically get the best conversion rate using a credit card or an ATM, even after the fee. For purchases, stick with low-fee cards. Capital One has no fees. Washington Mutual and Wachovia charge only 1%, American Express 2%. See if you can use an ATM that’s associated with your bank. As of December, Citibank customers don’t pay a dime at the bank’s overseas ATMs. Bank of America allows free ATM withdrawals at affiliated banks.

    26. Credit-card late fees
    What it is The levy you face when your credit-card payment doesn’t arrive by the due date or even a particular hour of the day.

    What’s so bad! In a decade it’s gone up 150%, while the grace period to pay the bill has shrunk from 31 days to as few as 20.

    Ouch! The top fee today is $39.

    What you can do Mail your check seven to 10 days before the due date, suggests Linda Sherry of Consumer Action. Or schedule automatic payments. If you’re late once or twice, most issuers will waive the fee. Repeat offenders won’t be so lucky and may face a penalty interest rate on their balance, too.

    27. Balance-transfer fee

    What it is The price you pay to move your credit-card balance to another card to score a lower rate. As rates have climbed over the past two years and more borrowers have hopped from one 0% offer to the next, issuers have introduced this fee (and killed fee caps).

    What’s so bad The issuer levying the fee is getting your business, not losing it.

    Ouch! Bank of America charges 3% of the balance, with no limit.

    What you can do Pick Capital One, which has no balance-transfer fees on most cards. Wachovia exempts new customers.

    28. Over-limit fee
    What it is The charge for overdrawing your checking account or exceeding the limit on your credit card

    What’s so bad The fees are at an all-time high. Plus, the bank may let you overspend – and then sting you. Credit cards issuers say they approve transactions that exceed your limit as a “convenience.” But, argues Ed Mierzwinski of the U.S. Public Interest Research Groups, “they should just raise your credit limit and charge interest.”

    Ouch! As much as $39 at many major banks

    What you can do Request that ATM withdrawals, debit purchases or checks be approved only if you have enough money. Some banks, including HSBC, Wachovia and Washington Mutual, let you. Another safeguard is to link your checking account to a line of credit or savings account and raise your credit limit before a spending spree. Also, many banks will send you an e-mail alert or a text message if your balance runs low.

    29. Same-day payment fee

    What it is Your credit-card bill is due today. You never mailed it. Drat. But wait. You can go to the issuer’s Web site and transfer money from your bank account. For a fee.

    What’s so bad You’re paying on time!

    Ouch! Washington Mutual collects $15.

    What you can do Sign up for e-mail alerts if you tend to procrastinate. Or take your business to an issuer that doesn’t charge for last-minute payments, like American Express, Capital One or Discover.

    30-32: Mutual fund fees
    Average annual fees on stock mutual funds fell 4% in 2005, according to the Investment Company Institute. The outrage? Some funds still charge two or three times more than similar funds do.

    30. Index funds: You’re being overcharged if you pay more than 0.25% for an S&P 500 index fund.

    31. Large U.S. stock funds: The fee for actively managed stock funds should also be relatively low, and yet many funds routinely charge more than 1.5%.

    32. Target-date retirement funds: These popular new savings vehicles often layer fees on top of the fees for the underlying stock and bond funds. These funds are meant to be your entire portfolio, so that’s especially damaging. “It’s imperative to get one cheap or you’ll jeopardize your retirement date,” notes Russ Kinnel, director of fund research at Morningstar.

    33. Variable annuity expenses
    What it is Buy one of these tax-deferred investments and you’ll pay a fee for the funds (or subaccounts), insurance costs (”mortality and expense risk”) and administrative charges. Tack on more for a guaranteed death benefit. Oh, and if you don’t like the annuity, you’ll face a fee to bail out.

    What’s so bad These fees can add up to 3% or more a year, effectively wiping out much of the tax benefit. Surrender charges generally start at 7% of your assets and decline by 1% a year thereafter. Some annuities, particularly equity-indexed annuities, have surrender charges that start as high as 20% and stick around for well over a decade.

    Ouch! ING’s Golden Select annuities nick you for as much as 4.4% a year, according to Morningstar; Security Benefit Life’s AdvanceDesigns costs up to 4.1%.

    What you can do Grab tax savings other ways: Your 401(k) and IRAs offer the same tax deferral without the steep annual fees. If you still want a variable annuity, Fidelity (800-343-3548), T. Rowe Price (800-638-5660) and Vanguard (800-851-4999) sell lower-cost options.

    34. Brokerage transfer fees
    What it is What you pay to move some or all of your investment assets to another brokerage firm

    What’s so bad If you aren’t happy with your broker, you should be able to take your money elsewhere for free.

    Ouch! E-Trade charges $25 to $60 for moving assets to another firm. Schwab charges $25 for a partial transfer out and $50 to move all your money (recently lowered from $95).

    What you can do To minimize the chances you’ll need to switch later on, pick a broker that offers access to all the investment products you want. If you have to change firms, pay the fee and move on.

    35. 529 expenses
    What it is What you pay for pros to manage your college savings

    What’s so bad The best plans charge less than 0.5% a year. Why should you pay four times that amount for the same investment?

    Ouch! Arizona’s Pacific Funds plan costs as much as 1.84% for age-based fund portfolios, 2.05% if you buy individual funds. Annual fees at Nebraska’s TD Ameritrade plan can reach 1.89%.

    What you can do Review your in-state options and find a low-cost plan at savingforcollege.com.

    Comments (2)

    50 THINGS EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW

    December 26, 2006 at 10:18 pm · Filed under Bizarre news

    1. The word “queue” is the only word in the English language that is still pronounced the same way when the last four letters are removed.
    2. Beetles taste like apples, wasps like pine nuts, and worms  like fried bacon.
    3. Of all the words in the English language, the word ’set’ has the most definitions!
    4. What is called a “French kiss” in the English speaking world is known as an “English kiss” in France.
    5. “Almost” is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.
    6. “Rhythm” is the longest English word without a vowel.
    7. In 1386, a pig in France was executed by public hanging for the murder of a child
    8. A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off!
    9. Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.
    10. You can’t kill yourself by holding your breath
    11. There is a city called Rome on every continent.
    12. It’s against the law to have a pet dog in Iceland!
    13. Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day!
    14. Horatio Nelson, one of England’s most illustrious admirals was throughout his life, never able to find a cure for his sea-sickness.
    15. The skeleton of Jeremy Bentham is present at all important meetings of the University of London
    16. Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people
    17. Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, everytime you breathe!
    18. The elephant is the only mammal  that can’t jump!
    19. One quarter of the bones in your body, are in your feet!
    20. Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different!
    21. The first known transfusion of blood was performed as early as 1667, when Jean-Baptiste, transfused two pints of blood from a sheep to a young man
    22. Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails!
    23. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin!
    24. The present population of 5 billion plus people of the world is predicted to become 15 billion by 2080.
    25. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
    26. Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian, and had only ONE testicle.
    27. Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found edible.
    28. Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a “Friday the 13th.”
    29. Coca-Cola would be green if colouring weren’t added to it.
    30. On average a hedgehog’s  heart beats 300 times a minute.
    31. More people are killed each year from bees than from snakes.
    32. The average lead pencil will draw a line 35 miles long or write approximately 50,000 English words.
    33. More people are allergic to cow’s milk than any other food.
    34. Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand.
    35. The placement of a donkey’s eyes in its’ heads enables it to see all four feet at all times!
    36. The six official languages of the United Nations are: English, French, Arabic, Chinese, Russian and Spanish.
    37. Earth is the only planet not named after a god.
    38. It’s against the law to burp, or sneeze in a church in Nebraska, USA.
    39. You’re born with 300 bones, but by the time you become an adult, you only have 206.
    40. Some worms will eat themselves if they can’t find any food!
    41. Dolphins sleep with one eye open!
    42. It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open
    43. The worlds oldest piece of chewing gum is 9000 years old!
    44. The longest recorded flight  of a chicken is 13 seconds
    45. Queen Elizabeth I regarded herself as a paragon of cleanliness. She declared that she bathed once every three months, whether she needed it or not
    46. Slugs have 4 noses.
    47. Owls are the only birds who can see the colour blue.
    48. A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years!
    49. A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue!
    50. The average person laughs 10 times a day!
    51. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain

    Comments (2)

    ‘Land Of The Free, Home Of The Brave.’ America now has staggering 7 million jailed citizens

    December 26, 2006 at 9:31 pm · Filed under Bizarre news

    As many people around the World continue in their amazement over the total moral and economic collapse of the American Nation, a possible new clue as to why this so was revealed this past week with the United States Department of Justice announcing the staggering rate in which their government has been jailing their own citizens, and which now stands at 7 million Americans.

    Handcuffs of the American freedom
    Handcuffs of the American freedom

    According to these reports, ‘A record 7 million people – or one in every 32 American adults – were behind bars, on probation or on parole by the end of last year’, and when these figures are added to the estimated 1 million prisoners of war held by the Untied States, all around the World, the once great American Nation has now become the greatest jailer of human beings the World has ever known.

    More importantly about these numbers, however, is the debilitating effect they are having upon the American society as a whole due to the fact that these horrific numbers are a direct reflection of the Totalitarian Fascist Nation they have truly become. So draconian has life in the United States become, in fact, that their Nation’s internal security police, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), this past week received permission to monitor all American citizens by eavesdropping on their cell phones, and which according to these reports they are able to do even if the cell phones are turned off.

    Just as devastating to the American people as the total loss of their freedoms is the economic nightmare they are now entering, and as we can read as reported by Britain’s The Guardian News Service in their article titled “Plunging dollar will set world markets reeling”, and which says:

    “The slowdown in the US economy, which has sent the dollar into free fall over the past fortnight, will have devastating knock-on effects in markets around the world, analysts warn. As the US slows, and consumers in the world’s biggest economy feel the buying power of the dollar in their pocket declining, global growth will be hit hard, economists say. The greenback took yet another turn for the worse on Friday, after a survey of the US manufacturing sector showed output declining for the first time in more than three years.”

    It has been well said by others, that when the American War Leader Bush announced after the September 11, 2001 that the American Nation was in danger of losing its freedoms, he was more right than many of these helpless people knew, but not to any terrorist have the American people lost their freedoms, but from the actions of their own government has this been done.

    Most sadly, though, about the American people of today is the effect their Totalitarian Fascist Nation is having on their most precious possessions, their children, and who have indeed turned into exactly those types of children warned about by the great British writer George Orwell, and who in his book ‘1984′ sent these words of warnings to his American friends:

    “Nearly all children nowadays were horrible. What was worst of all was that by means of such organizations as the Spies they were systematically turned into ungovernable little savages, and yet this produced in them no tendency whatever to rebel against the discipline of the Party. On the contrary, they adored the Party and everything connected with it. All their ferocity was turned outwards, against the enemies of the State, against foreigners, traitors, saboteurs, thought-criminals. It was almost normal for people over thirty to be frightened of their own children.”

    Comments

    AP Poll shows Santa is enduring

    December 26, 2006 at 7:01 am · Filed under Bizarre news

    Santa has lots going against him – school-yard rumors, older brothers who think they know the deal and tattle to the young ones, errant price tags, the tell-all Internet and so many Made in China labels it seems the North Pole has outsourced to Asia. Humbuggers everywhere. But no worries. It’s a wonderful life for Santa.

    An AP-AOL News poll finds him to be an enduring giant in the lives of Americans.

    Fully 86 percent in the poll believed in Santa as a child. And despite the multiethnic nature of the country, more than 60 percent of those with children at home consider Santa important in their holiday celebrations now.

    That’s an approval rating President Bush and most in Congress could only dream about these days. (If Santa were a politician, Catholics and the nonreligious would be his base.)

    Among the findings:

    _Santa is important to 60 percent of Catholics, 51 percent of those without a religious affiliation and 47 percent of Protestants, when households both with and without children are surveyed.

    _Nearly half, 47 percent, said Santa detracts from the religious significance of Christmas; over one-third, 36 percent, said he enhances the religious nature of the holiday.

    _91 percent of whites believed in Santa as a child; 72 percent of minorities did. One quarter of those now living in households with incomes under $25,000 did not believe in Santa.

    _An overwhelming majority, across nearly all backgrounds and religious beliefs, say they believe in angels – 81 percent. Belief in angels is shared by 57 percent of those who say they have no religious affiliation. Nearly all white evangelical Christians, 97 percent, share this belief.

    Somehow, the tradition has survived all that challenges tradition.

    Carl Anderson studied Santa beliefs as a doctoral student 20 years ago, looking at the phenomenon then and a century earlier. A child psychologist with a long, real beard, he’s since put in 18 Christmases at the Dallas NorthPark Center absorbing the wide-eyed wishes of little ones.

    So what’s new, Santa?

    Remarkably, he says, not much. The set of beliefs appears to have remained largely intact since the topic was studied in the late 1800s.

    Few kids have challenged him over the years, he said. When one little girl did so, tentatively, this week, he did what psychologists always seem to do. He answered by asking a question.

    “Santa, some people are saying they don’t believe in you,” she told him shyly.

    “Well, what do you say to them?”

    “I tell them they haven’t met you.”

    Case closed, for now.

    In the poll, 8 was the average age for a child’s Santa reality check. Fifteen percent hung on to their belief over age 10. The telephone poll of 1,000 adults was taken Dec. 12-14 by Ipsos, an international polling firm. It has a margin of sampling error of plus or minus 3 percentage points.

    Kimberly Schiller, 25, of Levittown, N.Y., believed in Santa until she was 13. He was a comfort to her after her dad left home when she was 12. “So I was kind of holding on to that last bit of childhood,” she said.

    “I teach 13-year-olds now,” she went on. “They are just so jaded. They always want stuff. It’s kind of sad that they don’t believe anymore.”

    Wendy Ross, 50, from Kings City, Calif., said she gave up her Santa belief when she was about 5, but that didn’t spoil Christmas for her. “The only thing that spoiled the holidays for me was me. I threw a fit if I didn’t get what I wanted.”

    Now the mother of three grown children, Ross said she brought her kids up to focus on Jesus, at the expense of Santa. Now she sees Santa as a symbol of giving, but also one of superheated commercialism.

    In Louisville, Ky., Ron Montgomery agrees with that downside. “Now if you are using Santa Claus to push a $100 robotic dinosaur, then that’s a problem,” he said. But the 64-year-old grandfather counts himself as a Santa believer to this day.

    “It’s the whole atmosphere,” he said. “Santa Claus is the spirit. The trees, the church, the whole works. You actually see more of your neighbors.

    “It’s a feeling. It’s not like a ghost. It’s an attitude.”

    Reaching deep into memory, Margaret Klumpp, 88, of Windsor, N.Y., recalled hiding her Santa doubts from her parents. “I think probably I pretended I believed so my parents would keep doing it,” she said. “I don’t know if I was that smart at 5, but I did later.”

    Now she sees Santa through the eyes of five great-grandchildren, the oldest 6, and considers him a complement to the Christian celebration.

    “When you are a little child you go to Santa and after that you move over to Jesus,” she said. “I think it kind of goes together.”

    Anderson shared his historical expertise with an elite group this summer in Missouri, addressing the international convention of the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas.

    At the Dallas mall, he knows the faces looking up at him will be clouded by questions before long. But for many kids, the letdown also comes with an upside.

    “They see themselves as more grown up,” he said through that beard. “They’re on the other side now.”

    ON THE NET

    Anderson site: http://santaandmaggieclaus.com

    NORADSanta tracker: http://www.noradsanta.org/en/default.php

    AP’s Manager of News Surveys Trevor Tompson, AP News Survey Specialist Dennis Junius and AP writer Ann Sanner contributed to this story.

    Comments

    Boy Sentenced for Driving Stolen Bus

    December 26, 2006 at 6:44 am · Filed under Bizarre news

    FERN PARK, FLA. — A 15-year-old boy has been sentenced to four years in a juvenile treatment program after deputies stopped him driving a stolen bus along a public transit route, picking up passengers and collecting fares.

    A judge also sentenced Ritchie Calvin Davis last week to an additional four months in a treatment program for trespassing and theft linked to an unrelated break-in at a United Way office, the Orlando Sentinel reported.

    Davis also lost his driving privileges for a year, though he doesn’t have a license. The sentence means he won’t be able to drive for a year after getting a permit or license.

    He was already on probation for taking a tour bus and driving passengers around in January, authorities said.

    Davis took the city bus on Oct. 28 from the Central Florida Fairgrounds in Orlando, where it was parked awaiting sale at an auction, according to a Seminole County sheriff’s report. The bus belongs to the Central Florida Transportation Agency, which runs LYNX public transit services in the Orlando area.

    Passengers and deputies noted Davis drove the bus at normal speeds and made all the appropriate stops on the route. One passenger, suspicious of the driver’s youthful looks, called 911.

    This photo released by the Seminole County Sheriff’s Office shows Ritchie Davis, 15, of Orlando, Fla., who was charged with stealing a bus and then picking up passengers and driving them along a public transit route, authorities said. Davis took the bus Saturday, Oct. 28, 2006, from the Central Florida Fairgrounds in Orlando, where it was parked awaiting sale at an auction, a Seminole County sheriff’s report said. Davis has been sentenced to four years in a juvenile treatment program for the bus incident. A judge also sentenced him last week to an additional four months in a treatment program for trespassing and theft linked to an unrelated break-in at a United Way office, the Orlando Sentinel reported. (AP Photo/Seminole County Sheriff’s Office)

    Comments

    Things a Man Should Know About Fatherhood

    December 26, 2006 at 6:32 am · Filed under Bizarre news

    1. Don’t worry, your dad didn’t know what he was doing, either.

    2. No, no–not that Spock!

    3. Second thought, maybe you should worry.

    4. Never tell anybody that you and your wife are “trying.”

    We really don’t need the visual, that’s why.

    5. Never tell anybody where your child was conceived, how long it took, or what song was playing.

    6. Do not name your baby after cities, geographical points of interest, features of the solar system, seasons, plants, animals, or current television stars.

    7. Your child, at birth, already has a deeply complicated relationship with his mother, and, for the first year, you are only a curiosity.

    For a couple of years after that, an amusement-park ride.

    Then, a referee.

    And finally, a bank.

    8. If you want to subject your son to the unkindest cut, insist on a local anesthetic, since many pediatricians don’t bother to use one.

    The anesthetic is for the kid.

    9. Baby gas is lessened with a good nipple connection during feeding, which decreases air intake.

    Assuring that his lower lip is flipped out, not pursed, helps.

    10. There is nothing wrong with thumb-sucking, which helps ease the pain of teething.

    Nonetheless, it probably ought to stop by kindergarten.

    11. Diaper-rash remedy: Expose baby’s hydraulics to the air until dry. Soak baby’s bottom in tepid water with a half cup baking soda. Then, Balmex. Or Lotrimin. Rediaper.

    12. You know how they say you’ll get used to diapers? You won’t.

    Unless you wear them a lot.

    13. Forcing children to use toilets will make them dislike toilets.

    Children begin using toilets when they tire of that not-so-fresh feeling.

    Of course, this is long, way long, after you tire of it.

    14. The start of crawling: usually begins between six months and twelve months.

    Standing: usually between nine and twelve months.

    Walking: between twelve and fifteen months.

    The onset of the above, as with all developmental skills, is hugely variable among individual children.

    15. Avoid walkers, not only because they can be dangerous around stairs but because they don’t require a child to balance and thus retard his walking progress.

    16. Reason boys are better: They cannot get pregnant.

    17. Reason girls are better: They’re less likely to get arrested.

    18. The threat of an unknown punishment is always more effective than a stated one.

    19. Annals of great punishments: Hang dolly from a noose!

    That was a joke, Dad, a joke.

    Annals of great punishments, for real: making him wash the car, clean the bathroom, and watch The McLaughlin Group.

    You see, all great punishments should reduce the number of disagreeable tasks you would otherwise have to perform.

    20. Teach by example.

    21. Your kids can develop an independent sense of good taste only if they’re allowed to make their own mistakes in judgment.

    22. Relax: Lots of little boys want a Barbie and a dollhouse.

    23. The first time you change your son’s diaper and he pees all over you is not an accident. It’s foreshadowing.

    24. Children of too-strict parents are more likely to develop tics.

    25. Let them take reasonable risks: A few scrapes in the long run are nothing compared with the scars left by hovering parents. Or tics.

    In preparation for risks: a Red Cross first-aid course.

    26. The most common cause of fatal injury among kids between five and nine involves cars, which is to say, hold their hands. And buckle them in.

    27. Try to tuck them in every night, too.

    28. When changing diapers, avoid baby powder, as it can irritate her lungs.

    When changing diapers, definitely don’t avoid the Desitin–spread it thick, like Spackle.

    29. It never hurts to videotape the baby-sitter.

    Especially if she’s hot.

    30. Never disclose to other parents that you have found a good baby-sitter.

    31. Reason boys are better: They cost less, especially their clothes.

    32. Reason girls are better: They’re less likely to burn, slash, or chew the clothes they have.

    33. Overalls are not only cute, they provide a convenient handle.

    34. At a certain point, your child will appear to survive exclusively on peanut butter, french fries, Cheerios, and hot dogs.

    35. Dropping food on the floor is a new and delightful skill to a one-year-old, not a deliberate attempt to annoy you.

    However, as small he or she might be, never underestimate an infant’s ability to project chewed food over great distances.

    36. The single most important thing a father can possess: Wet-Naps.

    37. NOW, more than ever, don’t move into a place without laundry facilities.

    38. Children’s hobbies to nip quickly in the bud: drums, archery, matchbook collecting.

    39. Beware your child’s uncles, who will teach your kid dirty words, introduce him to liquor, and give him gifts of drums, archery sets, and possibly matches.

    40. It is, of course, your natural right to exert the above negative influences on your siblings’ offspring.

    41. You are under no obligation to tell children the truth.

    Lying to children is, in fact, half the fun: “Oh, that tree? That’s a yellow-spotted spickle-gruber, of course.”

    On the other hand, they do remember everything.

    42. Sesame Street.

    43. Your bedroom door gets a lock. Your teenage son’s does not.

    44. Lock or no, please knock before entering, as the disruption of a youth who is spanking his monkey will be twice as traumatic for you as it is for him.

    45. Other doors to lock: those on the liquor cabinet.

    46. There is only one reason for a teenager to burn incense, and we think you remember what it is.

    47. Unfortunately, those books that say motherhood makes women desire more sex are referring to women who are not your wife.

    48. No matter how wealthy you are, don’t buy your kid a car — offer to match him.

    Ditto for other adolescent big-ticket items; teach the little bastard some responsibility!

    49. The previous statement proving you are your parents.

    Only — hopefully — with better fashion sense.

    50. Price of a college education for a baby born in 1999: $200,000.

    51. If the real response to his question is no, try this instead: “Go ask your mom.”

    52. DNA tests are 99.9 percent accurate, but check the ears to be absolutely sure.

    53. Reason boys are better: Boys start talking later than girls.

    54. Reason girls are better: Boys toilet-train later than girls.

    55. The twos aren’t always terrible.

    Even if they are, take heart, as kids aged three to six generally believe their parents are the most amazing beings alive and wish to be exactly like them.

    How scary is that?

    56. Establishing savings accounts for your kids and requiring them to make regular monthly deposits teaches them how to eventually become J. R Morgan.

    The above could prove useful in your dotage.

    57. Corny as it sounds, that Harry Chapin guy was right.

    Then again, you could argue that W. C. Fields was right, too.

    58. It’s never too early to begin reading to children.

    59. Let them read what they enjoy.

    60. Except your porn, which your son will eventually steal unless you hide it really well.

    No, you cannot ask for it back.

    Furthermore, you cannot steal his.

    61. Acceptable reading material: Dr. Seuss, Where the Wild Things Are, Harold and the Purple Crayon, Curious George, and any of the following by Roald Dahl — James and the Giant Peach, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and Danny the Champion of the World.

    Neither of the following by Roald Dahl: Kiss, kiss or Switch Bitch.

    62. Know that by the time your kids are teens, those enormous baggy pants will be long gone, as will tattoos, piercing, and Marilyn Manson.

    Of course, by 2015, kids might very well sever arms and legs as fashion statements.

    63. Some parents walk around naked in front of their children.

    These parents should stop it.

    64. Nearly all psychological problems result from feelings of worthlessness, which is to say, every now and then make sure that you tell your kid he’s pretty great.

    65. And never raise a hand to him. But being a good guy, you probably knew that.

    66. The harder they play, the earlier they sleep.

    67. Never turn down an invitation to play.

    68. No toys that require batteries.

    69. They never really outgrow the claw.

    “No, Dad, no! Not the claw!” means “Apply the claw, please.”

    70. All in all, fatherhood is pretty terrific — filled with joy and triumph, promise and miracles — particularly other people’s fatherhood.

    71. You might think you know a lot about fatherhood, but not as much as you will when you’re a grandfather.

    72. If you’re thinking that fatherhood means the end of life as you’ve known it, you, sir, are, of course, absolutely correct.

    Comments

    House Filled With 70,000 Beer Cans – PHOTOS

    December 26, 2006 at 5:41 am · Filed under Bizarre news

    I don’t even want to know.

    read more

    Comments

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